


Blinded by Love

by hotchnersprincess



Series: Love Throughout Time [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alex Blake/Emily Prentiss - Freeform, Angst, Brat, Daddy Kink, Dom Aaron Hotchner, Drama, Eating Disorder, Emily Prentiss/reader - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Praise Kink, Sequel, Sir Kink, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Sub Aaron Hotchner, Switch Aaron Hotchner, Switch Reader, Torture, Trauma, brat taming, dom reader, innocence kink, sub Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchnersprincess/pseuds/hotchnersprincess
Summary: Blinded by Hate SequelOne minute, you are in Aaron's arms, dancing. It's your wedding, and you couldn't be happier. But a pinch in your abdomen, on an old scar, pulls you out of the moment. The next minute, the world is going dark and the last thing you see is Aaron's worried eyes.Aaron Hotchner x Fem!ReaderCopied from Wattpad
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Series: Love Throughout Time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142342
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first set of italics in this chapter are from the first book, to serve as a recap and reminder. When it changes back to regular text, that's when there's new material. Enjoy this chapter and the rest of the book :)

**_Your POV_ **

_Briza brought the live feed of the BAU back up, and you felt the dam break. Hotch was standing with Prentiss on the catwalk in an empty bullpen, his hand was on her shoulder, tears streaming down her face. You watched as he brought her in for another hug, his hand sliding up her back. Prentiss raised onto her toes, pushing herself further into his arms. His right hand moved slightly on her lower back, his fingertips slipping under her shirt slightly._

_You felt the glass walls around your heart threaten to shatter as you watched the scene unfold. A big crack formed when his hand pressed firmly on her lower back, his hand pressed fully against her bareback. The walls fractured as you watched his lips graze hers, the shards pressing into your heart, deep. The screen went dark soon after their lips touched, your reflection shining at you in the black monitor._

_It felt like the end was nearing, your only lifeline had moved on in a matter of hours. You had been fighting for hours on end, and you were tired._

_You didn't even notice Briza grab her knife again until she started to speak._

_"You see, he's moved on. It's only been fifteen hours and he's gone back to Ms. Ex-Girlfriend." She said, twirling her knife in her hand._

_Briza moved so fast, you didn't even register what was happening until it did._

_"_ **_This_ ** _is the pain he caused you." She yelled, plunging the knife deep into your abdomen._

_You cried out in agony at the white-hot sting of her knife pressed into your skin. Her arm pulled it out, slowly and meticulously._

_After a few minutes, you passed out again, this time from lack of blood. You were running out of time, and you had just lost the will to keep up your fight._

**_Aaron's POV_ **

_"Aaron, we need to get back to work." I heard Dave say, my feet responding by following him into the briefing room. The clock on the wall read 11:52 am. It's been nineteen hours since I last saw y/n in person._

_"We're missing something, Briza has left clues before, and y/n knows how to get information into a message," Spencer said, seeing that I had entered the room._

_"She only stressed two words, we knew she was going south so that one isn't helpful. The only other word was 'mom'. It wasn't any property owned by either of Briza's parents. I can't think of anything else we missed." I said through clenched teeth. My fingertips were subconsciously rubbing together, a habit I formed in college due to stress._

_Spencer looked defeated, his shoulders sagging and head hanging. He sat down at the table with a huff._

_"What could we be missing?" Morgan asked with a sigh, he pushed his chair away from the table. "We know that where they are don't belong to Briza, what if it belonged to y/n? It could be y/n's mom's property."_

_"Garcia," I said shortly._

_"On it." She responded, opening her laptop quickly._

_The room filled with the sounds of Penelope's fervent typing. The anxiety in the room was palpable, the strings of tension almost visible._

_"Okay, okay. I have two properties south of DC. One is a cabin, but I don't think that's it. It's in good condition, and it's got, close neighbors. The other is a two-story, abandoned house. It hasn't had residents for years. There's not really anything around it." She told the team, looking around to see if they agree with her assessment._

_"That's it, Garcia. You got it, send us the address." I said, leading the team out of the briefing room._

_I wasn't feeling very relieved, the last time we found locations, we were sadly mistaken. I drove the first car, Prentiss and Rossi joining me. Morgan drove JJ and Reid. We didn't waste any time, I turned my sirens on and stomped on the gas, Morgan following in the same matter. The drive there would take an hour and a half, going over the speed limit._

_Dave and Emily didn't attempt to talk, their nervousness filling the car, joining mine. My left leg bounced under the wheel, my hands gripping the wheel tightly. Emily was picking at her nails, pulling the skin off around her fingernail. Dave just sat, his anxious gaze set firmly out the window._

_I heard Emily's phone ring in the distance, and she picked it up, but I couldn't hear._

_The muffled noises of Emily talking on the phone could be heard under the loud ringing in my ears. I tried to listen, but I couldn't take my focus off of y/n._

_"Aaron? You in there?" Emily asked her hand settling on my forearm lightly._

_"Oh, sorry. Yeah, what did Garcia want?" I responded to her, watching her hand retract from my arm._

_"She said that there's a car that's the exact same model at the house, she can see it on satellite imaging." She told me, letting out a relieved sigh._

_"We just have to hope that she's still there, and Briza didn't alread-" I stopped myself from finishing my sentence._

_The car fell silent again, my leg picking its pace back up. I caught my fingertips rubbing together again, that damn habit._

_When we were a few miles out, I turned off the sirens, not wanting to alert Briza to our arrival. Catching her off guard would be our best way of keeping y/n alive._

_I saw the house off in the distance, my hope sparking a bit. I could see the black car that y/n had driven and a pile of her clothes on the ground._

_"Someone call medics, let them know that we need them here," I said, hearing Dave pull his phone out and call._

_My breaks slammed as I pulled up to the house. I pulled my gun out of its holster as I stepped out of the car._

_I gave instructions, sending Morgan, JJ, and Dave to the back of the house. Emily, Spencer, and I stayed in the front, waiting for them to get in position._

"Now," I said into the mic, watching Emily kick the door open. The six of us fanned throughout the house. There was no sign of life, barely a crumb on the floor. As I went to clear a room on my right, I felt my stomach drop.

There was a chair in the middle of the room, the seat and legs covered in blood. Around the feet, there was a pool of blood, as well as a pile of hair soaked in the blood. There was a small spool of rope sitting on the chair as well.

"Oh god." I heard the far off words from Emily's.

I felt my stomach twist, bile starting to rise up my throat. I forced my legs to move, carrying me out of the house. As soon as I made it off the porch, my stomach contents poured into the bushes.

The only thing I could feel was the hand on my back, everything else was numb. I sat back on the grass, letting my head rest on my knees. As I tried to level my breathing, I focused on the hand moving up and down my back.

"Aaron? Can you hear me?" I heard Dave's voice break through the wall of screaming in my head.

I nodded numbly, not caring that tears were falling down my face.

"Aaron, we're going to find her. We're not going to lose her." He said calmly, trying to decide whether to give me space or stay where he was. He settled on space, standing and walking a few steps back.

After his hand left my back, I went completely senseless. My lungs were burning due to restricted air, and my eyes were blurry.

 _I don't think I can bear losing her._ I thought to myself.

_I won't be able to live without her. Why did she do this? Why couldn't she just wait, talk to me? To someone. It's only been twenty hours, and I already miss her so much._

_I miss the subtle coffee smell on her breath. The sweet and intoxicating scent of lavender in her hair. Her laugh. Her smile. Just her presence made me feel at peace. I can't live without her, and I can't give up on her._ My thoughts were sending me into a panic attack, and Dave picked up on that.

"Aaron, I need you to breathe for me." Dave was back at my side, "We're not giving up on her. I'm sending everyone back to the base, while me and Morgan stay here to help process the scene."

I nodded, finally being able to draw a breath in, "Since she's not here, we know that she's alive. We're going to get the blood and hair analyzed," His words made my stomach lurch again, "And we're going to find her."

He looked over to Emily, giving her the signal to come and help me up. She pulled me to my feet, before leading me over to the passenger seat. Even I could agree that I was in no condition to drive.

Spencer, Emily, JJ, and I headed back to the office in silence. Tense silence. It was like they were afraid if they broke the quiet, the shards would pierce my _fragile_ heart. To be fair, they had just watched me have a breakdown at the scene. I could feel Spencer and JJ staring at me, but I couldn't find the will to care.

After the long drive, I slouched my way to my office. Not bothering to close the door, or turn on the light. If I had thought that not finding y/n at the first house was bad, then this was downright terrifying. It was abhorrent and horrific. I felt a mountain of dread and guilt filling my chest and sitting heavily on my throat as I glanced out into the bullpen.

Her empty desk sent me over the edge, hot tears rolling down my face as I realized that I may never see her again. It had been a while since Briza had communicated with us, and I had a sickening feeling that she wouldn't keep up the same mirage.

Seeing that JJ and Penelope were looking at me from the bullpen with worried looks, I stood with a saddened huff and pulled my blinds shut, and closed my door with a snap. I just wanted to curl up in her arms and forget everything.

I couldn't help the sad, but fond smile that crossed my face as I thought of our happy memories. Sitting in my car at the coffee house, her musical laughter filling car after we just got caught by Dave. Her warm back against my chest in the bath, after we stood on the roof in November. Her sleepy form laying on top of me on the jet, letting herself finally rest after the ruthless case in LA.

Thinking about her also makes my heart clench with sadness and existential dread. The possibility of never seeing her again is one of the most terrifying things in the world.

Before I get too lost in thought, a knock on the door pulls me out of my head, "Come in." I answer lazily, sitting up slightly in my chair.

Dave walked in, holding a folder and a cup of coffee, "Drink, I'm sure you need it."

He sat in silence for a moment, leaving the file neglected on his lap. As I sipped from the cup, the coffee filling me with a temporary warmth, I watched Dave lean over and turn my lamp on. Next, he stood from his seat and pulled the blinds open.

"I know you probably don't want to see these, but as Unit Chief, I have to give them to you." Dave said grimly, "The blood and hair belong to y/n." He handed me the manila folder, which I neglected to open.

"She was there, I think about an hour before. There were more surveillance photos, more of the team, and her friends. I've already sent agents to your home, there's a camera there that was feeding a live video to Briza." His words didn't even shock me, I had felt like I was being watched.

"The rest of the team was also being watched, so agents are also taking care of them, and the ones in the bullpen." He sighed heavily, "I'm not sure where we go from here, but I can say one thing; I don't think that you should be the lead on this case anymore."

I didn't even blink, a slow sinking feeling filling my body.

"I know that you might disagree, but I thin-"

"Fine." I cut him off bluntly. I knew that he was right and that it wouldn't make any difference to fight it. There was no way for me to soundly lead a team when my mind is only focused on one thing. "I'm staying on the case though. Morgan can be lead, you're too close to her too. You're practically her dad." I said gruffly, trying to keep my bleeding emotions at bay.

"I'll let him know," Rossi said as he stood from his chair.

"Dave?" He stopped walking, "What happens if we don't find her?" The words made me want to vomit again, and my heart sank at the thought. Dave sighed, giving me a sad look, "We keep looking. I'm not losing another kid."

I could hold on to that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, the first set of italics are from the first book, but I think you would have caught on ;)

**_Your POV_ **

_Everything was dark. Everything was cold. The only thing you could feel was pain. Pain in your stomach, back, knees, fingers, head._

_Pain in your heart._

_Right as you succumbed to the darkness, an old voice rang out from a distance._

_"This is the pain he caused you."_

_Everything was cold and lonely. You missed Aaron's warm smile. You missed his embrace. You missed him. You couldn't bring yourself to open your eyes, terrified of what the sight would be._

_-_

You were cold and in pain. There was fresh pain in your abdomen and a dull ache in your skull. There was a sticky warmth on your abdomen, most likely from a wound.

Your mind was racing. You couldn't figure out what was real and what was imagined. There were two options as to what happened after Briza stabbed you; you dissociated to protect yourself from the pain or you passed out and dreamt everything. They were two viable options, but you couldn't decipher which one. If Briza inflicted more damage, then you probably dissociated.

It all had felt so real, but as you regained consciousness, you started to piece together the puzzle.

Being found by Aaron and the team; obviously your desperate want to be saved. You had recovered from your physical injuries, within a week. Which was practically impossible. The psychologist meeting; your mind trying to convince yourself that you were fine and recovering from the mental trauma. You had absolutely no way to decipher the threesome with Emily and Aaron, but you didn't mind. Moving in with Aaron, probably your want to be with Aaron, in his arms.

The proposal and wedding, all of it was gone. Jack, gone. The life you built in your head, gone.

"No." You whispered to yourself, trying to find a way back into the dream. You wanted to go back. You wanted him back. His warm smell and tight hugs, they all felt so real. How could it have all been fake?

As you reeled through your thoughts, you started to take in your surroundings. When you wiggled your wrists, you felt rope binding your hands. Forcing your eyes open, you were met with darkness, due to a blindfold. Taking in a deep breath, you tried to focus on the movements around you.

You were laying on your side, arms bound behind your back. The room was shaking? Moving? You were laying in the back of a vehicle, probably a van. The blood on your abdomen was almost dry, probably a few hours old. And you were definitely still naked.

 _God, I spent the past year naked?_ You thought to yourself

_No, it's probably been close to a day since you left the office._

_Only a day.... that feels like a lifetime ago._ You fought tears as you laid in the back of her van.

The van lurched to a stop, your limp body sliding a few inches. You heard the door open and close, then the doors in the back open. A new wave of cold air drafted over your body, goosebumps covering every inch of your shivering body.

"Let's go whore, time to wake up. You've been mumbling to yourself for the past four hours." She chuckled, pulling you by the ankles out of the van and onto the cold ground, "Something about our dear friend Aaron and his kid, Jack. You were moaning there for a while, I heard Emily and Daddy tossed out a lot." She grinned, pressing her fingers into the wound on your stomach.

You screamed in pain, your body writhing as she forced more blood out of the wound. She laughed as your face plastered with tears, "Poor puppy, something wrong?"

She kicked the small of your back, hard. Briza walked away, leaving you in a new puddle of blood and tears. If you were able to breathe, you could have gotten up, but your lungs were refusing to bring in any air.

A few seconds later, she returned. She hooked her hands under your arms, dragging your limp body into a different building. What shocked you, was when she lifted you onto a table and laid you out. Briza started to clean your wound and tape a bandage over it.

Through your pained haze, you managed to speak, "What are you doing?"

"I'm making sure you don't die," She spat, roughly covering your wound, "If you die, then dear old Aaron doesn't suffer knowing that you're in pain."

You nodded lazily, "Can't be in pain if I'm dead." You said with a chuckle.

"Yep." She confirmed, walking away from the table. When she returned, she had a pile of clothes in her hands.

She dropped them on the table, before walking away. You were so utterly confused. Why was she helping you? Cleaning and covering your wound, giving you clothes. Both were things that an unsub would do if they felt remorse. Why would she feel remorseful, psychopaths are unable to feel emotion, yet she was giving you clothes to wear.

After thoroughly inspecting the clothes, for chemicals or otherwise, you quickly put them back on. The jeans fit nicely, hugging to your legs, and the shirt was soft. She wasn't kind enough to supply you undergarments, though. You weren't sure what to do. If you tried to run, you wouldn't make it far, and you were sure that Briza had more than enough security measures in place.

Before you could try anything, though, Briza reentered the room. She didn't say anything, just reclipped the leash she was holding to the collar you forgot you had on your neck. When she started to walk, the leash forced you to follow her through the apartment.

 _Apartment?_ You thought to yourself, _I'm in an apartment? How on earth does she think that she can keep me from escaping. Dumb bitch._

She leads you into a living room, plopping down on a couch in front of a tv. You stood, in an awkward and confused stance. What the hell was she doing? She was acting like she hadn't just abducted and tortured you.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" She looked up at you, "Sit down."

You were dumbfounded as you slowly sank down to the couch, perching on the edge of the soft sofa. She was flipping through Netflix, settling on The Office before looking over at your uncomfortable form, "Y/n, you can relax. I'm not going to hurt you." She said, with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Still, you didn't relax, which didn't appease Briza. Her hand tugged the leash, pulling your body down onto the couch and your face closer to hers. You yelped at the sudden movement, your arms trying to brace your fall, "I'm not going to hurt you unless you resist." She growled, pulling on your hair.

In that exact moment, you realized that she had cut your hair, but you couldn't focus too hard on it at the moment.

"It's simple, really. I won't hurt you if you do what I say. If you detest, then I have no choice but to punish you." Still, you didn't relax. Your shoulders hunched with tension, and your body returned to its stiff upright position.

Angered by your choice, Briza gripped your hair tightly, dragging you down a hallway. She took you into a room. It was fairly empty, but the things that were in there did nothing to ease your fear. In the middle of the room was a St. Andrew's Cross, and other means of torture around the edge of the room.

She forced your hands into the cuffs, before wrangling your ankles into the cuffs as well. Grabbing a ball gag, she forced it into your mouth, no doubt to muffle the screams she was about to elicit.

"If you detest, then I have no choice but to punish you." She repeated the line, before slamming her fist into your abdomen. White-hot pain radiated from your fresh wound, blood no doubt starting to stain your shirt.

Briza delivered blow after blow into your body, unleashing her anger. After over twenty punches, ranging from your abdomen to your jaw to your nose, she switched to slapping you. Her hand swiped over your face, time and time again. You could barely feel the sting after ten. After twenty, your whole body was numb.

With each lash of her fury, you let out whimpers and whines, pain radiating from every inch of your body. Tears were rolling down your face as she smacked and punched your now limp body. The last thing she did before leaving you, was the last thing you expected. She walked up to your exposed body, letting her lips connect to your neck. But the sentiment quickly changed, her teeth biting down sharply on your neck.

You let out a pained cry as her teeth broke the skin, her saliva, and your blood dripping down your chest and staining your shirt. She spit onto your face, before leaving the room.

"If you detest, then I have no choice but to punish you. Next time, follow my orders you dumb bitch." She said with a slight chuckle, leaving you in the dark room, although this time it was slightly warmer.

The only thing you could do now was let your pained tears fall down your face. You mourned for yourself. You longed for Aaron.

Glancing out the window, the sun was starting to set. Assuming that it was close to five pm, dread filled your body. It had only been twenty-four hours since you left. If this is all she did in a day, you would be dead within the week.

_Unless._

_No, y/n, you can't._ You replied in your head.

 _Yes, I can, and I have to. If I want to stay alive, I have to._ It was a sound plan.

 _You know how sadists work, she'll find anything to punish you. She will twist words and actions into things that they're not, and continue the cycle._ You scolded yourself.

You were right. Psychopathic tendencies often coupled with sadism, and she was obviously getting off on your pain. She would also get off on the submission, but she would still need the infliction of pain to reach her desire.

You let out a sad breath, trying to force yourself to dissociate. Derek was able to do it, you knew, but you sadly didn't have that same ability. You settled for sleep, hoping that you would at least dream of Aaron.

You thought back to your first dream, his warm coffee smell, and his tight hugs. They all felt so real. The only thing you could do now was to hope that Aaron found you. The only problem was that you had no idea where you were, and she had taken you to a tertiary location.

People rarely survived after an unsub took them to a secondary location, so your odds were close to zero.

The only thing you could hold onto was your fleeting hope. It was already slipping from your grasp, pain, and sorrow overtaking your thoughts and forcing you to succumb to sleep. A numb and dreamless sleep filled your head, forcing your body to rest. You had been awake for over fifty-seven hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Aaron's POV_ **

It was like I was waiting for the first twenty-four hours of y/n to be over. I knew that I shouldn't be counting down, but there was something in my mind that was telling me that she was coming back. When the clock struck five, however, it was anything but better. I watched as the clock hand ticked closer and closer, the time seeming to move backward. The minute hand landed on twelve, and the hour hand clicked into place on the five. Nothing.

"Statistically, seventy-six percent of murders happen within the first three hours of a kidnapping. That's generally with a stranger abduction though, so with this being premeditated and planned, y/n could have a better chance. The percent of murders rises to eighty-nine percent at twenty-four hours.

"It's still likely that y/n has a good chance of survival. Briza's infatuation with her will keep y/n alive. There's no guarantee that Briza will keep y/n, well, _comfortable_. Likely, the same torture that Briza has already inflicted will most likely be repeated." Spencer shifted nervously from foot to foot, averting his eyes from me.

No one spoke, uncomfortable silence hanging in the air as the team looked at their hands or the files. Dave finally broke the silence, "We've decided that Morgan is going to be lead on this case, due to the personal connection with Aaron. He's still going to work on the case, and as Unit Chief on other cases."

"Are we taking other cases?" JJ asked in a meek voice laced with worry, "It's only been a day."

Dave shook his head, "It's been a day since y/n was abducted, but this is our sixth day on the case. The director isn't happy with how long the case is taking, and Strauss already has a line of cases for us to look through."

"It's like the director doesn't even care that one of his agents is being held captive." Emily spat, not at anyone directly, "It's like he doesn't care that y/n is in danger."

"You know how the brass works, they always have an agenda, even if their agents fall victim to it." I grumbled, standing from the table with a huff, "If they want us to take new cases, that means that we have to work on our personal time. That also means that anytime we're not on an active case, we are working on finding y/n. I'm not losing anyone else."

I left the room abruptly, walking back to my office. I couldn't stand to sit there and listen to them talk about her like that. Like she's already gone. Like she's dead. I figured that Dave would soon follow, most likely apologizing for my harsh words beforehand.

"Aaron, we're not giving up on her. I told you that. But, there's no way to fight the Director on this. If you resist, they'll try harder to push you out." His words rang true, Strauss has been after my head for years.

I felt angry tears starting to fill my eyes, "If I don't fight this, then I'm giving up on her. You said it yourself, you can't lose her either. I can't stop working on this, I can't leave her to fend for herself."

"Y/n is a trained profiler and extremely skilled FBI agent. She knows how to keep herself alive in time for us to find her." Dave scolded lightly, telling me things I already knew, "If you fight the Director, then you have zero resources to find her. If you do that, you're completely in the dark, and that'll drive you mad."

He took a breath to continue to chastise me, "Hold your tongue for once, work new cases or not I don't care. Come with us into the field or not, you decide. Whatever you need me and Morgan to do, just tell us. Just don't lose your head and your job in one swing."

I nodded grimly before speaking, "I know, I'm just angry. I can't-" My words hitched and I took a deep breath before continuing, "I can't lose her. I love her so much."

"I can't lose another person that I love," I mumbled, looking down at my hands through tears.

"Aaron, this isn't going to be another Foyet situation. We're going to find her."

For a long time, I believed that. I clung to the words like a lifeline. Every morning his words would ring clear through my mind.

_"We're going to find her."_

Yet, within a week, the words seemed to falter. I would force the statement to play, but the words didn't carry the same weight. They used to pull me out of bed, but now I could barely roll over in bed. I'd force myself to get up, take a five-minute shower, glance at the hair forming on my jaw, and leave the house.

I'd show up to work barely on time, only there to work on y/n's case. The team would go into the field, while I would stare at pictures on the walls for hours.

I had tried everything. Known associates of Briza; her parents, friends, cousins, old employers, old significant others. Everything came up negative. Only a few lived within the area, and all their properties were clean. No unusual bank activity or odd purchases. Nothing.

The second week, the only hope that I could hold onto was that y/n was alive. Briza would have disposed of her if she killed her, and she probably would have made it a spectacle. She would want to watch me suffer, watch as I wither away with the painful knowledge that I had failed another woman that I love.

I spent most of my time in the office, generally there from eight a.m. to eleven or twelve at night. The team was probably worried, but I couldn't bear to be at home. Even though the office was mostly empty, it still didn't feel as lonely as my house.

My house had become a shrine to y/n. I moved all her stuff into my bedroom from the guest room. I put her clothes into an empty drawer and I put her toiletries in my bathroom. It was the only way to stay sane. I would shamelessly spray her perfume onto the pillow next to mine. Then, I would do the only thing my body would allow me to do.

I would curl up in a ball on my bed, pull her perfume drenched pillow into my arms, and cry. For hours, I would lay on my lonely bed and cry. Like a child.

I had no one left. Jack was with Jessica in WITSEC, I hadn't seen him in close to a month. A small part of me was glad that he didn't have to see his dad like this. When Haley died, I didn't act like this. Yes, I moped around for a while. I mourned her death as anyone would, but it didn't have the same effect. My subconscious was trying to mourn y/n, even though she was still alive.

 _Right_?

**_Your POV_ **

When you woke up the next morning, you had been removed from the St. Andrews Cross and laid on a mattress pad. The few moments of bliss in the morning, where it's likely you couldn't even remember your name, were quickly snatched from your grasp. As you recollected your surroundings and situation, you realized that you weren't sleeping on a mattress pad. You had been laying on a dog bed.

_So... I'm like her dog? Her pet?_

Before you could continue to profile the situation, Briza's dark form filled the doorway, "Look who's finally up," She said with a smile in her tone. You didn't respond, just glared at her from your spot on the dog bed.

She tutted softly as she walked over to you, taking your jaw in her hand, "That just won't do, will it? I'm going to need your attitude to improve, or I'll beat the brat out of you." Briza's hand clenched painfully on your face, her fingers digging into the bruises you had forgotten about.

Still, you didn't respond. This time, you were fearful of saying something that would prove punishable.

"You can address me as Sir or Owner," Briza told you as she turned on her heel to walk out of the room.

You rolled your eyes, "I will _never_ call you that." You spat at her, lunging off the dog bed. What you hadn't taken into account was the thick chains around your ankles. When the slack caught, a yelp left your mouth as the top of your body quickly plummeted to the floor with a crisp snap.

As you laid on the floor, groaning in pain, Briza walked over to your abused body. Using her foot, she rolled your limp body over and pressed down on your shoulder, "If you detest, then I will have to punish you."

"Punish me, I don't give a damn. I'm not calling you that." You weren't going to budge. You knew that in your situation, you should try and play into her fantasy as much as possible, but you couldn't. You couldn't bring yourself to, the words in your mind alone sounded like poison.

She laughed lowly, "Gladly, but not now. I'd hate to kill my precious _little girl_ so soon in the game." Briza cooed, digging her heel into the bruised and sabbed over bitemark. You grimaced, your body trying to contract into itself but the chains wouldn't let you, "When you're ready to address me properly, you can come find me." She told you, unlocking the cuffs around your ankles and leaving you alone in the room.

Your body relaxed, the pain starting to lessen in your shoulder. Immediately your mind was racing, trying to profile everything she just did.

_Okay, she wants me to call her 'Sir' or 'Owner', Why? If anything, I was expecting Ma'am._

_I know that her dad used to abuse her, did he make her call him 'Sir'? Maybe she's projecting her abuse onto me._

_Why me?_

_It probably started when I left her in college. She associated it with her dad leaving and assimilated the same situation._

_'Owner'. She wants to assert her dominance over me._

_Bottom line, if I play into her fantasy then I'll survive. The only problem is the fact that she can easily tell if I'm faking it. She'll try to break me till I submit. It's a simple but effective power move that's got me caught between a rock and a hard place._

_Any profiler, officer, or agent would tell someone in the situation to play into the fantasy. Give them what they want till you can get out or someone comes to save you._

_Save me? At the moment, I know there's no one coming to save me. There's only one thing to do._

_Submit._

_It'll be easier. Let enough of me go to give her what she wants. Just let go._

You lifted yourself off the floor, gently pulling your feet under you and straightening your sore legs. When you glanced at yourself in a mirror in the hall, you were devastated by the woman who was looking back at you. Her eyes were dark with bruises and lack of sleep, her nose had obviously been broken and reset. She had a red handprint bruise on either check, from Briza's slaps. She just looked bad. She looked broken or at the least, ready to break.

Briza was sitting at a table, reading a book when you found her. She glanced up at you, giving you a simple smile before speaking, "Have you come to your senses?"

You nodded, "Yes, Sir."

She practically beamed, "Good girl." Then she gestured to the floor next to her chair, "You can kneel here, till I'm done."

As you tried to control your microexpressions, you gently knelt next to her with a huff. Briza carded her fingers through your hair, tugging slightly at the roots, "I'm going to be kind, and let that slide. Keep the attitude in check, _mutt_." You gasped at the pain in your scalp and averted your eyes to the floor, "Better."

She released her grip on your hair but didn't remove her hand. Her nails scratched at your scalp lightly, lulling you into a false sense of security. You, thankfully, keep your protective walls up.

Well, for as long as you could. After ten minutes of her constantly playing with your hair, you relaxed under her touch for the first time. When she would move her hand, your head would lean into her touch slightly, trying to prolong the comfort.

Your mind immediately started racing when you first leaned toward her touch, _This is what she wants. She wants me to relax, right? If I submit, she won't hurt me, and what she's doing right now isn't terrible. She could have killed me the second she saw me at that house, but she kept me alive._

_There's something I'm missing. The way she's treating me, it's like she cares about me. She wants me to feel comfortable, or at the least relaxed. Or is she using this as a way to break my defenses down?_

"I can practically hear you overthinking from up here," Briza mumbled, not taking her eyes off her book, "If you want to ask questions, then, by all means, go ahead. That doesn't mean I'm going to answer them."

"What do you want from me? What's your goal?" You immediately asked the burning question.

She gently closed the book and set it down, "Submission. It's pretty simple. You do what I want, and I won't kill you."

"Why me?" You asked the next question, your head subconsciously leaning toward her hand in your hair, "Why'd you choose me?" That was another question you were dying to know. The two of you weren't overly close, even when you dated. It truly didn't make sense to you, you had only been with her for a few months.

"When you left me all those years ago, I knew that one day I'd have you on your knees for me again. You're mine now, and I won't ever let you forget it." She said, as though it was common knowledge.

You thought for a moment, trying to carefully word your next question, "And, what do you expect from me?"

"You will do everything I tell you to, you will respect me and obey me. Your attitude will not stand, so I'd start fixing that." She could tell by the look in your eyes that you thought that there was more, "You're here for my entertainment, as well. If I want to paint that perfect body with bruises, then I will. If I want to mark you, I will. You are at my complete disposal."

She moved her hand from your hair and down to your neck, squeezing enough to keep your attention, "You are _mine._ "

"Forever."


	4. Chapter 4

**_Your POV:_ **

It had been a few days since Briza had moved you to the apartment. Minutes bleed into hours and days bleed into nights. Each day felt the same, you would wake up on your cold dog bed and wait for Briza to come and unchain you. Some mornings it was early, a little after sunrise, other days it was well past noon before she acknowledged your existence.

One thing you did know, was that you were extremely hungry. If she did give you food, it was sparingly and sparse. A few pretzels or whatever she didn't finish off her plate was all you got in a day. Ignoring the pain in your neglected stomach was one of the hardest things to do. The worst was probably the hangry mood swings. It was harder to 'obey' Briza due to the achy rumble from your stomach.

You were sure that it was Christmas Eve, but you really weren't that sure. It felt like it had been three days since you were taken to the apartment, the beatings that she had given you the past days caused time to be lost.

For the most, you tried your damnedest to do what she told you to, but you still struggled.

When you refused to lick the mud off her boots on the first day, she kicked the sharp point of the said boot into your back, repeatedly. She continued till you stopped making noise, only a small burst of air leaving your mouth when her foot connected with your body. The entire length of your spine was covered in dark bruises and you couldn't sleep on your back that night.

When you asked for more food on the second day, she scattered uncooked rice on the floor and forced you to kneel in front of her. The cherry on top was that she forced you to strip beforehand. Anytime you try to shift your weight off your knees, she would take a riding crop and smack it somewhere on your body. Often your face or your thighs would be receiving the sharp snap of the plastic, small whimpers leaving your mouth.

When you forgot to call her 'Sir' one morning, a week into your abduction. She dragged you, by your hair, back to your room. Once she stripped you naked, she chained your hands and feet to the floor. You were forced to lay, face down, on the ground with your legs and arms spread far apart. After she finished chaining you down, she poured small piles of salt throughout your body. At least twenty piles on your back, ten on each arm, and fifteen up your legs.

Briza left for a moment, before returning with a tray of ice. She placed a singular cube of ice on each pile of salt and left the room. You could feel the ice quickly welting and freezing your skin. After the ice melted, you could tell that there were going to be scars up and down your body. It was close to five in the afternoon before she returned, your body riddled with a dull pain and your stomach growling.

What confused you the most was what she did after your punishments. She would unchain you, or pick you up off the floor and hold you. She would force you to cuddle into her and let her stroke your hair. The first two times she did it, you hated it. It took everything in you to not squirm away from her touch. But, after the salt and ice, she gently dressed your wounds and carried you back to her bedroom.

You had never been in there, but it wasn't an overly extravagant room. She gently laid you onto the bed and you curled into your body for warmth and comfort. You were in too much pain to try and fight your instincts, so you just let Briza hold you.

"I'm so sorry that I had to do that, baby. It'll teach you to be better with my title," She whispered, her hands cupping your face gently.

"I'm sorry that I disobeyed you, Owner," You felt unwitting tears filling your eyes, and guilt rippling through your chest, "It won't happen again, I didn't mean to, I promise. I'll make sure to be good."

You found yourself seeking her approval, and deep down that scared you. You shouldn't be comforted by the same hands that bruised you, "I know, sweet girl, I know. You're my good girl."

"I am?" You asked through a sniffle, your teary eyes looking up to meet hers.

She nodded and kissed your forehead, "Yes, you are. Now get some sleep."

You let your mind rest, not bothering to dissect what had just happened. The last thing you thought would happen, happened. The warm feeling that filled your chest when she said the words _'You're my good girl.'_ should have scared you. Instead, you reveled in the praise.

Christmas came and went, same with New Years'. She gave you a new collar, one much prettier than your original one. It had a small pendant that read _'Sir's pretty girl'._ You beamed at your Owner as you opened the box and saw the leather collar.

You were practically vibrating with excitement as your Sir placed the collar around your neck. The only way that you could reason your excitement, was that you were glad that she wasn't hurting you.

"Do you like your new collar, pet?" Briza asked, watching your hand hold the pendant hanging from your neck as you knelt in front of her.

You nodded vigorously, "I do. Thank you, Sir."

New Years' wasn't as special, Briza kept you chained to your dog bed the whole day. You weren't even sure if she was in the house.

Loneliness filled your chest as you realized that she wasn't going to let you out of your chains, you just wanted your Owner. You wanted her to hold you and tell you how good you were for her. All conflict in your body had left, your submission coming easily to you. A small part of you knew that you were doing it for self-preservation, but it shouldn't have come so willingly.

When she came to get you the next day, you had tears streaming down your face.

"Owner! I missed you! I thought you were going to leave me," You cried, lunging off the bed and trying to reach her.

Luckily, Sir caught you before your chains pulled you down to the floor, "I would never leave you, baby. I just went out for a bit," She explained to you, stroking your hair out of your face.

You cried in her arms, savoring the warmth that her body provided you. She used her thumbs to wipe the tears from your face, "I need you to be able to be alone for a day, darling."

"I thought you had left me for good," You sniffled into her shoulder, tears marking her shirt. She shushed you and whispered sweet nothings in your ear as you started to calm down.

"I'm never going to leave you, little girl. I've got you," Sir cooed to you, tucking your hair behind your ear and pressing a gentle kiss into your temple. She shifted you closer to you, letting your body sit in your lap. Your shaky breaths and Owner's hand running up your spine and rubbing circles into your shoulders.

You felt your body completely relax into her, your chin hooking over her shoulder and smelling her vanilla shampoo.

**_Aaron's POV:_ **

"Sir, we have a case," JJ's words pulled me out of my thoughts, but I didn't look up to look at her.

"You can gather the team, I'm staying here like normal," I murmured, my pen still scratching across the paper I was writing on. It was officially a whole month since y/n got abducted, and I wasn't doing well.

When an agent has been in a compromised position for a month, a new report has to be filed by their Unit Chief, and in this case, the lead on the case. Morgan was most likely working on the same report but wasn't going through the same emotional turmoil as I was.

The only person that seemed to be struggling as much as I, was Prentiss. The shock seemed to set in after two weeks, her hopeful demeanor changed to sad and angry. She brooded around the office, barely finishing her work at the end of the day. Emily didn't even have the effort to slyly slip files to Reid, which was worrying in its own sense.

"Actually, Hotch, you're needed on this case. It's in Alaska, and we can't travel that far without you. Regulation." JJ responded, looking nervously for my response.

I huffed, closing the file and grabbing it, "Alright, I'll be there in a bit. Go ahead and gather the team," She nodded and quickly left the room.

 _God, Hotch, they can barely stand to be in the same room as you. No wonder the brass wants you out, you can barely get through a file without dropping tears on it._ I scolded myself, grabbing a stack of files and making my way into the team room.

"JJ, go ahead, " I said gruffly, sitting down at the table.

Morgan eyed me, "Are you coming, Hotch?" He asked, his tone approaching incredulous.

I rolled my eyes before looking over at him, "Yes. Is there something wrong with the Unit Chief accompanying his team on a case?" I glared hard at him, annoyed at the fact that I had to explain myself to a subordinate.

"Of course not," Morgan replied, shoving his proverbial foot in his mouth.

I couldn't get my mind to focus as JJ started the briefing, my mind wandering to y/n's case. I had exhausted every idea and method I could think of, and I was still stuck. I did thorough background checks on Briza's family and extended family, as well as y/n's. It was hard, going through her life like that.

Learning about her distant parents, who all but cast her out at eighteen. Reading long reports about her alcoholic Uncles and her cousins in medical school. I didn't want to learn about y/n's life from a paper. I wanted to learn it from her. I didn't want late nights with a file, I wanted late nights with _her._

I pulled out of my thoughts when I realized that JJ was staring at me, "If that's it, then wheels up in thirty."

"Pack heavy, my lovelies. It's very cold, even for Alaska." Penelope's voice rang out as I trudged out of the room.

The last thing I wanted to do was to get pulled practically out of the country. My biggest fear was that y/n would show up, or there would be a new lead in the case, and I wouldn't be there. That we had already had the missing piece to the puzzle, but we didn't know it.

A timid knock at the door caught my attention, _probably JJ coming to tell me something else trivial and stupid_ , "Come in."

What I wasn't expecting was a sad-looking woman on the other side of the door. I recognized her, but my mind was already so muddled that I couldn't find her name in the pile of cobwebs that my brain has become.

"Agent Aaron Hotchner?" The platinum blond-haired woman asked with a slight waver in her voice.

"Yes, how can I help you?" I asked, somewhat rudely, but I couldn't care less.

She gave me a confused look, "Oh, you must not recognize me, I'm Megan Parmeter. A friend of y/n's" The woman, Megan, explained.

It finally dawned on me like a slap across the face, "Of course. I'm so sorry, it's been a madhouse these past couple of weeks." I tried to half-heartedly explain to her, "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering how the investigation has been going? I and the rest of her friends haven't been updated in a while," She trailed for a moment, "They only told us that y/n had been abducted, but they haven't given us any more details."

I glanced at the thick file in my hand, y/n's name scrawled across the front in my handwriting, "I'm sorry, Megan. We've been trying our hardest, but we still haven't been able to come up with any leads." I apologized in earnest, "You are more than welcome to look over the file, but I don't think that's a good idea. It's hard to look at, especially with untrained eyes."

"I think I'm good, thank you though." Megan hesitated for a moment, "I'm sorry for showing up unannounced, the US Marshal I was assigned hasn't been very helpful. I just couldn't sit at home not knowing what was happening."

 _You and me both_.

"It's quite alright. I also have to apologize, my team just got a case and I have to go." I stopped for a moment to grab a card from my pocket, "You can text or call me at that number if you need anything." I informed her, handing over my business card.

"Thank you, Sir." She said, turning on her heel and leaving the room.

I quickly gathered the rest of my bags, a small amount of excitement in my veins as I geared up to be on a case. There's a certain rush you get from being in the field, but I knew that being away from my desk and y/n's case would drive me mad.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Aaron's POV_ **

The plane ride to Alaska was due to be over nine hours, which just means nine more hours that I would sit awake. Sleep had not been coming easily, and when it did, my dreams were filled with images of y/n being tortured or Briza killing her. I'd wake up in a cold sweat, the images burned into my eyes. To say the least, I hadn't been sleeping.

The plane was quiet. Morgan's headphones were secured over his ears, Dave was sleeping peacefully, JJ and Garcia were talking quietly, but I noticed again that Emily was sitting uneasily in her seat across from mine. She would open the file, read the entire thing, and then close it again. Only to open it a few minutes later. Her leg bounced actively as she ripped at the skin around her fingernails. Her nails were bitten down, and there were small drops of blood surrounding her nail bed.

I gently grabbed her hands when she continued to draw out more blood, "Stop." I said it firmly, but not with malicious intent. It was hard to sit there and watch her pull the skin off her fingers.

"Sorry." She mumbled, keeping her gaze down at her hands.

"You're fine, but I couldn't stand to watch you rip the skin off like that," I explained quietly, keeping my eyes off her to avoid making her uncomfortable.

Emily chuckled sadly, "Yeah, nervous habits I guess."

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, not wanting to pry, but I knew that my friend was hurting. Emily couldn't meet my eyes, her face contorting into sad confusion, "I could ask you the same thing. Don't think that we haven't noticed the difference."

"That's fair, but you still didn't answer my question," I responded, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth for the first time in a month.

She sighed heavily, looking back down to her hands, "I miss her, a lot. I can tell you do too." Emily said sadly, "I'm really worried about her, and it's eating at me that we can't find her."

"Yeah," I trailed. Even though I started the conversation, I felt myself retreating back into myself.

She leaned forward, grabbing my hands tightly, "I can tell you miss her too, and I can tell that you're not sleeping." I couldn't meet her eyes again, "You need your sleep, and you need to eat. Keep yourself healthy, for her."

I nodded to her words, knowing that they carried extreme truth, "I know, but I can't sleep without seeing her mutilated body." The harsh images flashed in my mind, tears stinging my eyes.

"Hotch, you need to find a way to sleep. You can't keep going like this and you won't be able to help her." Emily lightly scolded me, and I knew that her words were true.

I truly had no idea how to get a good night's sleep without seeing her body. Most victims' families say that the worst part was the not knowing, and for the first time, I understood. I could only guess what was happening, and that's the last thing I wanted to do. At the most, I could conclude that y/n was still alive. Briza would have rubbed it in our faces had she killed her.

"I know," My voice hitched slightly in my throat, tears searing my eyes as they threatened to slip out, "I just can't. Sleep is the last of my worries at the moment."

Emily sighed in response, her head nodding in agreement, "I get it."

After a few seconds of silence, she spoke again, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Her face held a hopeful smile, "You need someone in your corner."

"I'm fine, thank you though," I told her, turning back to the file in front of me. She didn't believe me, but luckily Emily took it as an answer.

In actuality, I just needed a small ounce of comfort. Anything would be better than nothing, but my guilt wouldn't let me seek any. There was no way that y/n was anything close to comfortable, so I definitely don't deserve any.

-

Once we finally made it back to the lodge, the team was sitting in the lounge together. I was sitting next to a silent Emily, our minds most likely thinking about the same thing. My patience was already wearing thin, and the case felt like it was dragging along.

"Hotch," Morgan's voice distracted me from my thoughts, "What are we doing about rooms?"

I sighed, running a distressed hand through my hair, "They have four rooms for us, so some of us are going to have to double up."

"I'm not sleeping with Reid," Morgan said, flashing his signature smile. The corners of Spencer's mouth turned down and formed a pout.

"Dibs." Garcia moved to grab Derek's hand.

"Don't worry, Spence, I'll room with you." JJ consoled the sad Reid with a gentle smile.

"That means I'm taking the single room because I'm not sleeping with anyone," Rossi said gruffly, quickly making his way to one of the rooms.

"I guess that leaves me and Prentiss."

I glanced over at Emily, checking to see if she was okay with it, "Try and get some shut-eye, we've got a long day ahead of us."

With that, I made my way up to Emily and my room. What I wasn't anticipating was the single bed sitting in the middle of the room. I could only assume that the rest of the rooms matched in layout, so there wasn't much we could do.

I heard Emily enter the room, and a small gasp left her mouth, "Oh." She immediately trailed.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I'll take the floor."

"Aaron, you'll freeze," Emily countered, dropping her bag on the desk next to mine, "We're both adults, I think we can share a bed."

I gave her an apprehensive glare but inevitably folded. I couldn't deny the slim possibility of human comfort, "Fine. I'm going to take a quick shower," I told her, grabbing my bag and trudging into the bathroom.

I quickly undressed and got in the shower, not bothering to let the water warm up first. The cold water sent goosebumps running over my skin and a shiver went down my spine. I washed my hair roughly, suds running down my back and face. Using a washcloth, I scrubbed my body, trying to scrape off every speck of dirt and sweat. I just wanted the case to be over, so I could go home and continue on y/n's case.

Immense guilt flooded my chest as I thought about her case. She was trapped, all the while I was being forced to help these people, who didn't even want our help. The local police contradicted everything we said, and they almost refused to listen to our theories and profile.

Shoving all my thoughts away, my entire form went numb. My arms worked on autopilot, using a towel to dry my hair and body. I pulled on fresh boxers, sweatpants, and a warm quarter-zip fleece. Emily was already changed and sitting in an armchair in the corner when I returned to the room.

Without a word, I sat down on the edge of the bed, still feeling numb and guilty. It felt like a deep pit in my stomach, burrowing further and further down. My chest was tight and my hands clenched into fists as I fought the tears threatening to fill my eyes. I couldn't fight it as I tried to stifle a sniffle. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of anyone, much less Emily.

"Hotch?" Emily's worried voice came from the corner, soon followed by muted footsteps, "Are you okay?"

My hands curled into fists and moved up to my eyes, using them to scrub the tears from my eyes, "I'm fine." I tried to stand off the bed and go back into the bathroom, but Emily's hand on my wrist stopped me.

"Aaron, I can tell you're not fine." She sighed, turning to face me, "Tell me what I can do to help, anything."

I knew exactly what I needed, but my mouth wouldn't form the words. Instead of speaking, I threw myself into her arms, clutching onto her small form. Before she could ask another question, my voice shook out, "I just _can't_."

"I can't keep working on this case, acting like I'm fine. We're stuck on her case, and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I can't eat," I sobbed into her shoulder, her soothing hand rubbing circles on my back.

"I can barely _breathe_."

Emily pulled me further into her arms, "I know, Aaron, I know," She cooed, letting her other hand scratch through my hair. For the first time in a month, I didn't feel completely crushed by guilt. It didn't feel like a car was sitting on my chest. I let myself be comforted by her, I let my guard down.

At some point, she shifted me into the bed, letting me continue to sob into her shoulder. I couldn't stop. Every time I got my breathing under control, another harsh sob would roll through my body. After around an hour, I felt sleep trying to claim my body, and for the first time, I didn't fight it.

I let myself succumb to a deep and dreamless sleep, my arms clutching to Emily like a lifeline.

**_Your POV_ **

You and Sir were sitting on the couch, her hands slowly stroking your hair. You had your head sitting in her lap when you heard a quiet knock at the door. In the month that you had been there, no one had ever been there. You felt your pulse quicken, worry filling your features as you looked up at your Owner.

"It's alright, doll. Someone's here to see us," Sir explained, tucking your loose hair behind your ear.

She stood off the couch and motioned for you to take her hand, which you gladly did. You tucked yourself behind her, nerves racing through your body. Your subconscious was telling you that someone could be there to save you, but there was a part of you that didn't want to be saved. You enjoyed being taken care of, you enjoyed not having a care in the world or having to work a job. There was something so serene about it.

You knew that you shouldn't feel that way, but it was easier to enjoy the good parts rather than dwell on the bad.

You watched, timidly, from behind your Sir as she opened the door. The person on the doorstep was not who you were expecting.

A woman, with platinum blond hair, was smiling at both you and Sir.

"Megan?" You gasped, looking at your friend standing outside the apartment.

_Is she here to save me?!_

**_No, you shouldn't want to be saved. Your Sir is great to you._ **

"Hi, y/n," She said with a smile, casually walking through the door and into the room. You watched with a shocked expression as she shed her coat and shoes, "How are you?"

Your mind wouldn't form words, confusion, and terror running laps around your brain. You gasped as a sharp elbow was shoved into your ribs with brute force, "Answer the question, mutt," Briza snapped.

**_No, that's not Briza, that's Sir. You know better than to call her that._ **

_That's Briza Vazquez and that's Megan Parmeter, someone who's supposed to be your friend._

"Did you not hear me, mutt? Answer the question," Bri- Sir growled at you.

You ducked your head, looking down at the floor, "I'm good, Megan, how are you?" You respectfully answered her.

"I'm good, pet. You can call me Ma'am or Madame," Megan told you, gently gripping your chin to force you to look at her.

"Yes, Madame." You said, trying to tuck yourself back into your Sir's side. It had been a long time since you had had any type of human interaction, outside of your Owner, and it was already overwhelming.

Sir turned around to face you, placing a gentle hand on your cheek, "Why don't you go sit on the couch and get comfortable," When you whined at her order, she tightened her hand slightly, "We'll only be a second, go sit."

You ducked your head and made your way into the living room, already missing Sir's hand around yours. Luckily, Owner wasn't lying. Sir and Ma'am made their way into the room, and Sir took her place next to you.

"I saw Aaron today," Meg- Madame's words made you perk up, "He's looking a little worse for wear, but I think I can fix that."

Her words confused you, "What do you mean 'fix'?" You asked, not even thinking to ask for permission. Sir didn't move to punish you, so you assumed it was fine.

"I went to talk to him today, he missed you by the way, and he's looking _bad_. I'm talking huge bags and circles under his eyes, unkempt hair and just overall really stressed," She told you, a wide grin fanning across her face, "But, I think with a little work, I can get him to forget all about you."

"That's good, princess," Sir cooed when she saw your worried expression, "That means he'll be happy, just like you. You wouldn't want him to be sad, would you?"

You shook your head, but your bottom lip still trembled slightly.

_He wouldn't forget me, would he? He's still looking for me, right?_

**_Why do you care? You're with Sir, and Sir is good to you._ **

_But Sir hurts me, and Sir spits on me. That's not being good to me, is it?_

**_You deserve it. If you detest, then she has to punish you. Just stop being so bad._ **

_I can't help it! I miss Aaron so much._

"What's going on in that head of yours, sweetie?" Madame moved to sit next to you, grabbing your hand lightly.

You felt tears starting to well up in your eyes, a coil winding tight in your chest, "I miss him," You pouted lamely, the tears in your eyes starting to spill down your face, "I miss my team, and my house, I miss Aaron so much." You sobbed into Sir's shoulder, her hands stroking your hair.

"I want to go _home!_ " You cried, trying to pry yourself out of her grasp. But Sir wouldn't let you budge, her hands tightened around your back and you felt her sharp nails dig lightly in your skin.

"Honey, you are home," Madame spoke from behind you, "You're home with us. We've got you, and we're going to take care of you."

You turned around to face Ma'am, your bottom lip trembling, "You are?" She nodded in response, so you turned to look at Sir, "Is she going to stay?"

Sir glanced at Ma'am, and then nodded to you, "Yes, she is. But it won't be all the time like I am."

"But, someone will be, right?" Your voice wavered in fear, fear of being abandoned.

"Of course, baby." Sir said as she pulled you back into her arms, "I love you, my little girl."

You hummed happily through your light tears, "I love you too, Owner."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Aaron's POV_ **

The next day, my patience was wearing thinner and thinner. The cap on my growing anger was loosening, and at the Porter house, it popped off.

"Mr. Porter, is your son at home?" I asked with a slight aggression behind my words. I knew that the man standing in front of me deserved more than a few harsh words.

"What's it to you?" He shot back, which sprung me and the team into action. I pushed past the wide man in the doorway, quickly making my way further into the house.

I pointed at the TV that his unsuspecting wife was watching, "Turn that off," Should I have been a little less aggressive to the woman that was being beaten by her husband? Yes, but the case had gotten under my skin and I was pushing to make a fast arrest, "Did you know?" I directed my question toward the wife, ignoring the brute man on my left.

"I don't know what you're talking about," The rude man quickly snapped.

His meek wife met my eyes and quickly spoke, "Not for sure. Not until last night. He came home covered in blood."

"It's not the first time you've washed blood out of his clothes, is it?" I asked the woman, trying to put myself in between her and her husband. I wanted to be able to shield her from any hostility from Mr. Porter, and I wanted to feel like I could at least keep one person safe.

The husband was quick to interject after my question, "Don't answer them, Martha!"

That pushed me over the edge, _"Sit down, and shut up!"_

The man went silent, so I turned to Martha again, "I promise he will not lay a hand on you again."

Martha then quickly told us where Owen would most likely be, and we left in a rush. I quickly told one of the local police to bring Mr. Porter down to the station, to keep him from unleashing his rage on Martha.

-

Once the case was wrapped up, I ushered the team onto the jet. I had absolutely no desire to spend another night there and had no qualms flying at night. The team had caught onto my growing impassivity and kept their distance.

"We're not spending another night here, grab your bags. Wheel's up a soon as possible." I said gruffly in the lounge, the team's tired eyes looking wearily at me.

"Hotch, we're all exhausted. Can't we just spend another night here? We can leave first thing in the morning." The lump of a tired JJ pleaded.

I huffed, running a hand through my hair, "No, JJ. I want to get home as soon as possible. Everyone go pack." I said sternly, glaring at them all till they started to move.

I had already packed my things, and my bag was sitting at my feet. The team slowly made their way to their rooms, packing their things and then joining me back in the lounge. I couldn't have cared less that I was being a hard-ass, I desperately wanted to go home.

After everyone collected their things, we quickly made our way to the jet. There was a quiet grumble of displeasure, but at least they were able to sleep on the jet. I knew that after my self-indulgent night of sleep, I wouldn't get a lick of rest for a while.

Luckily, I had brought all of y/n's files and was prepared to go over them again, even though I had every word memorized. Everyone settled in quickly, and we started our nine-hour flight back to D.C. Emily sat across from me, her eyes staring at the file splayed out in front of me.

"See anything new?" I asked warily, connecting my gaze with hers.

"I wish," Emily responded quietly, a sorrowful look settling across her face.

That was the extent of our interaction. We woke up in the same position after I sobbed myself to sleep, and it had been an extremely awkward morning. She didn't shame me or look at me differently because of my borderline breakdown, but I couldn't find the courage to look her in the eye till now.

Three hours into the flight, my phone lit up with a text message. It was an unknown number, so I assumed that it was spam, till I saw the message preview.

_Unknown Number: Hi, Agent Hotchner. It's Megan Parmeter, y/n's friend._

It was short and simple, almost odd. But I assumed that she wanted to make sure it was me before saying more.

_Aaron: Hello, Megan. It's nice to hear from you._

She immediately responded, seemingly sitting by her phone in wait for my message.

_Megan P: I know that this is a little strange, but I was wondering if you could get a cup of coffee with me sometime? My treat. I had some more questions about y/n's case, and your office seems a little cramped._

It wasn't an odd request, just a worried friend looking for information.

_Aaron: I'm currently flying home from a case, but I should be available sometime in the coming days. You can pick, I don't have very many obligations these days._

_Megan P: How about Friday? Any time works for me._

It's not like I have anything other planned, except wallow in self-pity.

_Aaron: How about 8 am?_

_Megan P: Sounds great, The Coffee Bar okay?_

_Aaron: Yes._

I hadn't had a drop of coffee that wasn't from my home or the office. Every time I passed y/n's favorite coffee shop, _Coffee Express_ , I was filled with immense sadness. I figured it wouldn't hurt to get out of the office and drink some quality coffee.

**_Your POV_ **

"We have a yes, baby girl!" Madame told you, showing you her text's off her phone. A small and meek voice in your mind told you to grab the phone and immediately call Aaron, but you knew that it would be foolish. The texts said that he was flying home, so he wouldn't be able to get to you quickly. And you had absolutely no idea where you were.

"That's great, Ma'am." You responded, your head leaning into her touch. She had quickly become another great source of comfort for you. Her familiarity and once friendship helped your subconscious mind cope with your reality. On the surface, your mind instinctually searched for solace from Ma'am and Sir.

The past two days had been nice, very few and light punishments were pushed at you. Most of the time you spent kneeling at their feet, your head rested on top of both their knees. You figured that you were in a 'honeymoon' phase with Madame and that once she was comfortable she would be serving more punishments.

You worried quietly about Aaron forgetting you, and Owner and Ma'am had no trouble convincing you that he had already forgotten. They often held the barely budding relationship between him and Madame over your head. On Friday, early in the morning before Madame had her _date_ with Aaron, they had been overtly expressing it to you.

"He's already moving onto a new woman. It's barely been a month." Sir taunted you, her fingers stuffed in your mouth as Ma'am used a flogger on your bare body.

"You really think that he could still love you?" Madame laughed as she laid another brutal hit into your body, "Look at you. You're practically begging us to punish you. You're just a worthless slut."

They moved your limp body off the St. Andrew's Cross, laying you on your back on the ground. If you wanted to escape their grasp, you wouldn't have been able to. Before you could get another thought out, they expertly attached your wrists and ankles to the ground, completely exposing your naked body.

"Madame has her date to get to, so we're done here." Sir said, pressing her foot into a bruise on your bare hip, "I don't want to hear a peep from you. I think you'd sorely regret it." She taunted, before walking away.

When you thought that they had left the room, you let out the breath you were holding but it was much too soon.

"Are you tired, mutt?" Owner asked from the doorway, Ma'am already walking out the front door, "Well, I think that you need something to remind you of why you're here."

Her words sent fear coursing through your nerves. Sir started with a tight blindfold over your eyes, blocking your view from whatever was to follow. A loud and pained gasp left your mouth as your Owner attached harsh nipple clamps to each breast. The seemingly harmless objects sent constant waves of intense pain throughout your entire breast.

You whined in protest as she tugged and pulled on the clamps, cruel shocks of agony engulfing your chest.

She left you there for the entire day, the pain seeming to die down slowly. Every few hours, she would return and pull or twist the clamps to ensure that you were in the maximum amount of pain. Each time you begged her to let you out, to have her hold you, or to just take the clamps off.

"You've been a bad little mutt, and you don't deserve to be held by me," She would reply to each plea. On some of the visits, she would jerk your jaw open and spit directly into your mouth. You were sure that if it were different circumstances and a different person, you might enjoy it.

Each time you heard her footsteps retreating, your submission forced you to say, "Thank you, Owner. I deserve whatever you are kind enough to give me."

The next morning, she let you out of the restraints and pulled the clamps off your sore breasts. A loud whimper left your mouth as extreme pain shot through your entire chest. By the time Sir was undoing your cuffs, you were a sobbing mess. "I'm so sorry, Sir. I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." You begged and profusely apologized. To be honest, you didn't even know what you were apologizing for, the punishment had come completely unprovoked.

"You did so good for me, sweetie," Owner cooed into your ear, letting you curl into her lap with ease. She stroked your hair and gently thumbed away your tears. When she tried to stand from the floor, you tightened your arms around her waist, "No! Please don't leave me, I missed you so much, Sir. I love you and I don't want to ever leave. Please don't leave me here!" You cried into her shoulder.

She chuckled and continued to stand up, bringing you with her, "I'm not leaving you, sweet girl. I'm just going to move us to the couch. How's that?" She bent her head to ask you the question. You sucked your bottom lip in between your teeth and nodded your head with a sniffle.

Sir lead you to the couch, letting you curl into her completely. Her hand stroked up and down your back, pausing to wipe away tears or brush a hand through your hair. Your tense shoulders relaxed and you let yourself conform to her, your limbs wrapped around her body. You were acutely aware of the pain coming from your chest, the pressure on your sore breast wasn't able to trump the comfort you were receiving from your Owner.

"Thank you, Sir." You mumbled, feeling yourself drift off into a calm sleep.

**_Aaron's POV_ **

I was oddly excited about my coffee plans on Friday. I had let Dave know that I would be late to work the day before, but I didn't specify why. He seemed to think that I would be getting some rest and it put him at ease.

I didn't put much thought into what to wear, putting on a pair of black dress pants and a golf polo from my closet. If need be, I could go to work in that without breaking the FBI dress code. It was still very cold, so I threw on a leather jacket and made my way to the coffee house.

A hard pit of nervousness settled in my stomach, but I didn't know why. It definitely wasn't a date, considering the love of my life was still missing. When I parked my car in front of the coffee shop, I pulled out my phone to let Megan know that I had arrived, but she beat me to it.

_Megan P: I'm inside, come find me when you get here._

I didn't bother to respond, electing to shove my phone in my pocket and step out of the car. Once in the restaurant, I spotted Megan sitting at a table in the corner. I gave her a half-hearted smile and wave as I waiting in line to order.

After receiving my coffee, I carefully made my way over to the table Megan had claimed.

"How are you, Megan?" I asked as I sat down at the table.

"I'm good, Agent Hotchner. How are you?" She responded with a nice smile.

After taking a small sip of my coffee, I replied, "I'm fine, and you can call me Hotch. Everyone does."

"Right, Hotch," Megan said with a small chuckle. She had a large coffee in front of her and a plate with a chocolate muffin on it.

I was expecting to go into the case and I had already prepared a few things that would help answer her questions, but she started to ask about me.

"How was the case? You said that you were flying home when I texted you." Megan asked as she picked at the muffin on the table.

"Oh, uh, it was good. I can't really talk about it, confidentiality reasons, but we closed it pretty quickly." I told her, my mind flitting back to the insurmountable rage that I had felt during the case, "I'm just glad to be back, it's the first case I've had to go on in a while."

"You've been working only on y/n's case this whole time? You must really like her." Megan trailed with a sad smile. She seemed to miss y/n as much as I do.

I laughed sadly, my eyes sticking to the coffee cup in front of me, "I love her, so much and I miss her immensely. I'm never giving up on her."

She hummed, her fingers tracing over the rim of her cup, "I miss her too." Megan said with genuine sadness, "I really hope you find her soon."Her demeanor changed, her shoulders slumping slightly. Megan's eyes wouldn't meet mine, and I could see tears starting to form, "I hope she's okay, wherever she is."

I reached a hand, placing it comfortingly on her shoulder. There wasn't much I could say, but I tried to ease her anxieties, "My team and I are going to find her."

The rest of the morning was calm, almost nice. I let myself talk about Jack and y/n, trying to focus on the good things so that I would keep my spirits up. Megan told me about y/n, stories from their years in high school and college.

It was a favorable way to learn about y/n. Or at the least, better than learning it from a file.

It was one of the nicest mornings I had had in a while, and I desperately tried to hold on to that joy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder, Torture, Forced Starvation

**-February** **_-_ **

**_Aaron's POV_ **

It was finally February, coming up on two months since y/n was last seen. It felt like my world was crumbling around me. When Haley died, I used Jack as my one beacon of hope, and now I didn't even have him. The blurry photos that were sent to me weren't enough to keep my spirits high. My correspondence was staying steady with Megan, generally a cup of coffee in the morning and frequent texting.

I hated texting, but if I called her, she would probably hear the pain in my voice. I tried so hard around her to be normal and okay. It was more subconscious than anything, I really didn't have anything to hide since she was going through the same thing I was.

It was oddly comforting, knowing that someone was missing y/n just as fiercely as I was. Sure, Emily was struggling, but she still went on dates and laughed with the rest of the team around the office.

_Megan P: I don't know if this is too forward, but I was wondering if you wanted to do something on the fourteenth? Just another friend get-together, of course. I just don't want to be lonely on Valentine's day, and I know that you don't have any plans._

I deeply considered my options. It felt like a betrayal to be with anyone on that day, knowing that y/n was still out there and in pain. But, it would be better than sitting alone and drinking myself to sleep surrounded by my shrine to y/n.

_Aaron: Sure. You're correct in your assumption that I don't have any plans. What did you have in mind?_

_Megan P: Pizza and a movie? Nothing too fancy._

_Aaron: Fine with me, I'll see you at 8?_

_Megan P: Sounds like a plan, Hotch!_

I was deeply appreciative that she called me Hotch. I couldn't handle anyone, besides Dave, calling me by my first name. Every time I heard the name 'Aaron' I could only hear y/n's voice. For a while it was comforting, I found solace in the sound. Until her voice changed to pain. I could only hear her agony through the name, so I forced everyone to stop using it.

At 7:45, I made my way over to Megan's apartment. We had had a few early morning coffees there, I would jog there from my run in the park. When she opened the door, I was expecting her to be in sweatpants and a sweater, but she was wearing short silk pajama pants and a cropped tank top. I, apparently, was overdressed. I was wearing my dress pants from work and a quarter-zip fleece.

"Aaron, you made it!" She said with a smile, and I cringed deeply at the name.

"Hotch," I corrected her gruffly, walking into her apartment. It was filled with candles and soft music, and I was starting to sweat from the intense heat that was pumping through the vents.

She nodded her head quickly, "Right, sorry Hotch." Megan corrected herself.

"Megan, I thought this was just a friend thing. I want to make it perfectly clear that I will not be sleeping with you," I turned to look at her. She was wearing a confused expression, although I knew that she wasn't close to confused. My profiler senses were tingling and I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

"Hotch, I don't know what you're talking about," She stated through a chuckle, "We're just watching a movie. I decided to do this on a whim, nothing more."

"Okay," I trailed off, still hesitating to stay. Still, I did. It wouldn't be that hard to leave, even if she threw herself at me.

I sat on the far end of the couch, grabbing a beer and a piece of pizza. She did the same, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch. I had absolutely no idea what movie she chose, but I was just waiting till I could leave.

_Goddamnit, I regret this. I don't want to be here. I just want to go drink, alone. I just want to be alone._

I stood from my seat, setting my food and drink down on the table, "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling this. I'm going to go home, have a good night."

I immediately started my way toward the door, but she stopped me, "Aaron," I cringed, "Just stay through the movie, it's a really good one," Megan tried, but I again started to move to the door.

Before I got far, I felt a pair of hands on my head. She was forcing my face closer to hers, and I felt panic set over my body. Every nerve screamed at me to stop, to get out. I couldn't process what was happening till her lips were on mine.

Seconds after the connection, I pushed the woman off me and about four feet back from me, "What the _hell_ is your problem, bitch?" I roared. I would never speak to anyone like that. Normally. But when she pushed herself on me, I had no choice but to stand my ground.

I didn't give her a chance to answer, I was out of the door and in my car within seconds. My heart was racing with adrenaline and anger, but my stomach had dropped with guilt. Y/n's friend had used her situation to get close to me, and I let her.

 _I should have known something was wrong with her._ I scolded myself as I drove.

_But at least you know what was wrong with her, now you don't have to speak to her ever again._

**_Your POV_ **

Sir had chained you to the couch and forced you to watch the tv. A video of Aaron and Madame's lips crashing together played on a continuous loop, the short clip burning into your mind. Sir was constantly speaking into your ear, telling you of Aaron's shortcomings.

"That bastard has already moved on," Owner hissed into your ear, "He's fucking Ma'am right now. He's balls deep in another woman, and it's only been two months."

"You're better off forgetting that pathetic thing you call a man. You were nothing more than a hole to fuck to him," You knew she was right. Aaron had kicked you out after your first time. You gave him a place to cum, and he just dropped you like a hot pan.

You knew that he didn't care about you. He probably wasn't even looking for you all this time. The whole team probably had forgotten about you. You had been forgotten.

After Sir turned off the tv, you felt a harsh wave of hunger roll through your body. It had been at least a week since a proper meal, generally, crumbs and scraps were all you got. Throughout your entire time with Sir, the lack of sustenance had been the worst part. Some days you were incredibly dizzy and had almost fainted a few times.

Every time you complained of hunger, Sir would remind you, "You only get what you deserve, and you have been naughty. You don't deserve the clothes on your back," Then she would strip you and chain you to your dog bed.

Your ribs had started to protrude slightly, and all your bones were more prominent. Your collarbones came to sharp points, and the skin was pulled tight. Your scars housing Aaron's initials had been pulled tight.

You hated the scars now. They just served as harsh reminders of the man that forgot you. At the mere mention or thought of Aaron, you would fight searing tears from clouding your vision. Throughout time, the sadness quickly turned to anger. Anger at the man who left you and forgot you. 

**-March-**

**_Aaron's POV_ **

"Agent Hotchner, I don't see a point in keeping the case open, when the victim is clearly dead." Erin Strauss's harsh words sent a tidal wave of anger over my body.

"I feel, _Agent Strauss_ , that Agent y/l/n isn't dead. We know that this unsub is focused on watching other people dwindle under her hand. If she killed Agent y/l/n, we would be keenly aware of it," I tried to say calmly, though my teeth were clenched tightly.

Erin sighed deeply, hanging her head slightly, "Aaron, you can't keep going like this. I'm telling you to close the case, end of the story," She said sternly, looking from me, to Rossi, to Morgan.

"Strauss, all due respect, we can't just drop this case," Derek stepped forward slightly, his eyes set strong on hers.

"All due respect, _Agent Morgan_ , it's my decision," Strauss said hardly, "Close the case."

"Agent Hotchner, stay for a moment."

I watched as the other two men left the room, my eyes moving back to Erin.

"Agent Hotchner, I am extremely aware of your _situation_ with Agent y/l/n, but I can't have you chasing a case that's gone cold. The case is sucking more money out of your budget than you think," She scolded me as if it was solely my problem, "I want you back in the field with the rest of your team, and I want you moved back up to Unit Cheif. Effective immediately."

"Yes, Ma'am," I responded, starting to leave her office.

Strauss stopped me, "Aaron, one more thing," I turned on my heel, "I have found a new Agent to fill the empty spot. She's waiting in your office now."

I nodded and quickly left. I wasn't looking forward to meeting my new agent, and I didn't want a new agent to begin with. I was trying to keep my mind open, nonetheless. I shouldn't go into the meeting with an already clouded view.

A dark-haired woman was sitting in front of my desk. She was glancing around my office, probably trying to profile me. It was weird knocking on my own office door, but I did it to alert the woman to my presence.

She turned around with a slightly surprised look but didn't say anything. "I'm Agent Hotchner," I said as I walked to my desk, waiting for the woman to introduce herself.

"Doctor Alex Blake," She told me as she extended her hand. I shook her hand before sitting down in my chair and gesturing for her to sit again, "I realize that you normally don't have Agents appointed to your team, but I'm here to work." I quickly skimmed over the file she handed me.

"Of course. We're in need of another member, and you seem qualified and able," I spoke formally, trying to keep my emotion at bay, "I don't know how aware you are of our current situation, but you should know that things are going to be changing."

Alex nodded before speaking, "I've been briefly told about the Briza Vazquez case, but I don't know about the day-to-day operations."

"Agent Morgan has been acting as Unit Chief in the field, while I have stayed back and worked on said case. However, I will be returning to the field and the position, so Agent Morgan no longer holds authority," I told her. I wasn't trying to be rude or sound annoyed, but the entire situation had my blood boiling.

"You can take the open desk in the bullpen and if you don't have one today, make sure you have a go-bag with you from now on," I finished, standing from my desk and holding my hand out.

"Thank you, Agent Hotchner," Alex said as she shook my hand, before walking out of my office.

I set my elbows on the desk and cradled my head on my hands, letting out a distressed sigh. There was absolutely no way that I could just drop y/n's case, much less bear going out in the field. The last time I went, I had a break down on the first day and couldn't think straight.

**_Your POV_ **

Sir and Ma'am had stopped talking about Aaron. It was odd at first when Madame didn't walk through the door boasting about her latest date with him. The scars under your collarbone had been marred by new cuts, which you had asked Sir to place there. You didn't want the reminder of the man who forgot you.

Recently, they had been punishing you daily. They would use any reason to chain you to the floor and kick into your ribs, or strap you to the St. Andrews Cross and use whips, floggers, and crops to beat you senseless.

They were only giving you enough food to keep you alive, and you knew that you didn't deserve any more. You weren't behaving for them, so you didn't earn the right to food.

Yet, Sir would let you cuddle into her after each punishment. She stopped forcing you onto your dog bed, she would let you sleep with her. You would relish in her soft hands holding your broken body. You would sob into her chest and beg for forgiveness. Sir would return her sympathy, running her fingers through your hair and placing gentle kisses on your temple.

Sir cared for you so deeply, and you loved her so much. Often when you told her, she wouldn't reply, but it made the times she did so much better.

After Sir had taken you down from the St. Andrews Cross, where she had struck you over a hundred times, she carried you to her bedroom. She took her time applying soothing cream to your welts and covering you up in soft clothes.

"Thank you, Sir. I deserved that," You mumbled into the bed as she climbed in next to you.

"You did such a good job, pretty girl. You kept so quiet," Sir cooed as she pulled you closer to her, "I love you so much, my sweet princess."

Your heart soared and you felt a happy flutter in your chest, "I love you too, Owner. I love you so much," She petter your hair softly, encouraging you to cuddle into her.

You couldn't help but feel so safe with her. She was so kind and loving to you, something that Aaron never was. Sir gave you constant affection, whereas Aaron had given up on you.

**-April-**

**_Aaron's POV_ **

I had been getting dozens of messages from Megan. They started up again, a few weeks after that night in February. She would text me day in and day out, just short messages about her day or pictures of her food.

_Megan P: I miss you, Aaron. We should get coffee sometime._

_Megan P: Are you okay, Aaron? You haven't said anything in a while?_

_Megan P: I hope that you're having a good day, I'm on my way to dinner now :)_

_Megan P: I got coffee at our normal time, I missed you._

After a week, I finally had Garcia block her number.

The team and I were on a case in Miami. It was ungodly hot, even for April, to say the least; everyone was miserable. On top of the insufferable heat, the hotel we were in was booked tight. We had to double up to fit, and I was not happy about that.

Emily had jumped at the opportunity to room with Alex, probably trying to avoid sharing a room with one of the guys. However, the noises I heard through the wall the first night told me a completely different story. It wasn't like I could reprimand them, I had done the same thing. With a subordinate no less. I ended up with Spencer, Dave was with Morgan, and JJ took the single.

Throughout the case, I noticed that Spencer was having intense headaches. He didn't say anything, but I could tell that something was bothering him. It was very unlike him to wear sunglasses, especially inside, but he would also wince or flinch at loud noises.

I also noticed that Alex and Emily had been spending more time together. I was oddly glad. It was nice that Emily was moving on, getting past her debilitating depression. I, on the other hand, wasn't anywhere close to that. I still struggled to get out of bed or to eat.

Eating had become a great source of pain for me. Each bite I took would feel like a knife stabbing into my stomach and my mind would scream at me to stop.

_Stop eating! You're being so greedy. You're here eating a nice meal, while y/n is tied up and alone. You're being_ **_selfish_ ** _._

If the team had caught onto my restricted eating, they hadn't said anything. My coffee intake had doubled, so I guess that made up for the lack of food. I would force myself to make it past lunchtime before touching anything, and even then I ate sparingly. I knew that I should have been taking care of myself, but I couldn't bear to take more than a few bites of food a day.

The heat in Miami paired with my lack of eating caused me to be very dizzy. If I stood too quickly my head would spin, so I tried to spend the majority of my time standing up. If I didn't sit down, I wouldn't have to deal with the headrush of standing up.

**_Your POV_ **

When Madame walked out of the door, you felt your heart drop. You already missed her so much. It was hard. You knew that your Sir was directly next to you, but it was hard to watch someone you loved leave. Each time she left the apartment, you would let out a defeated whimper and fight tears from your eyes.

"It's okay, baby. She'll be back," Sir told you, stroking your hair behind your ear. You still tried to fight the tears, looking up at the ceiling and curling your knees to your chest.

"I know, I just get so worried," You admitted sadly, looking over at Owner with tear-filled eyes, "I don't want her to leave. And I don't want you to leave."

Sir simply opened her arm for you to fall into, "My love, we're not going to leave you. You don't need to worry about that. We love you and we're always going to take care of you," She cooed, tracing circles into your trembling body.

"Always?" You asked with a pouted lip, your voice wavering strongly.

"Always, baby," Sir reassured you softly.

You hated how much you missed Madame, the harsh ache in your chest was debilitating each time she left. You would worry that she would get hurt, or someone would be mean to her, or that she wouldn't come back. Each time she returned to the apartment, you would bound over to her from your place on the couch and wrap your body around hers. She would laugh happily as she tried to set her bags down. You would wrap your thin arms and legs around her body, easily sliding into her grasp.

Throughout your time with Ma'am and Sir, you had lost an insane amount of weight. Their extremely restrictive diet, of scraps and crumbs, had caused all muscle and fat to disappear. Your bones were extremely visible, every joint jutting sharply out of your skin. You also bruised more easily, which was very appetizing to your masters.

They relished in every bruise, mark, and bite that they left on your body. And so did you. You couldn't take your eyes off the purple and green masterpiece that they had painted on your skin. Their handprints were permanently red across your face, but you enjoyed lining your fingers up with the marks and imagining that it was their hands.

You would sometimes ask for them to poke and prod at the bruises, wanting to feel the twinge of pain again. You learned to love the pain they bestowed on you.

_-_

You were attached to the St. Andrew's Cross again. For the past months, you had come accustom to the exposure that came from the contraption, but today was different. It had been a while since Sir and Ma'am had done any intense punishments, generally, they were pleased with your submission. Apparently, you had struck a nerve earlier and they weren't appreciative.

They had caught you looking in the mirror with disgust, your eyes finally being able to comprehend the damage they had done. There were tears clouding your vision as you looked at the disgusting woman in front of you. For the first time in a while, you had felt dirty and used. You felt repulsed as you looked at each bruise and cut, marks that you had begged for.

"Why aren't you appreciative of your marks?" Owner seethed at you, lashing your body with the harsh flogger in her hand, "Do you not love your masters?"

Another sob left your mouth, your head hanging down in guilt, "No! I love you both!" You cried, terror filling your body at the thought of disappointing your Owner.

"Then why did you do it, slut?" Madame asked, swiping the riding crop across your face for the twentieth time, "I don't know! I just felt dirty!" You cried, your face burning as she slapped you with her hand.

Sir's harsh hand contacted your face next, "You're beautiful," She told you, but you didn't believe it. When you shook your head in disbelief, her rough hand gripped your jaw, "Say it and _mean_ it."

"I'm beautiful." You choked out through a sob, hot tears rolling down your face. You still didn't believe it, your skin feeling grimy with the layer of sweat and filth. Madame's hand contacting your face told you to repeat the words again, "I am beautiful."

"Do you mean it?" Sir asked softly, her hand reaching up to wipe the tears from your face.

You shook your head in despair, "No! I'm used and a stupid whore. I'm just _dirty_." You cried.

Sir's soft hand caressed your sore face, "Baby, you could never be dirty," She said softly. You shook your head, still in disbelief that her words could ever ring true, "Well if you feel dirty, then I guess you'll need a bath."

You were confused at her words, but you welcomed the thought of getting to bathe. They let you bathe fairly often, but only if you had been good. You nodded your head greedily as they started to remove your cuffs.

Sir carried you into the guest bathroom, setting you down in the cold tub. She pushed your shoulders down, forcing your back to lay flat on the cold ceramic. What you hadn't realized was that cuffs and straps were lining the edge of the tub.

When you started to wiggle and plead to let you up, Sir spat onto your face, "You asked for this, dirty girl. So you're going to get a bath."

You felt terror bubble from your stomach and fear fluttering in your chest. They wouldn't actually kill you. Right? They loved you.

With the help of Madame, they got you secured to the floor of the tub, "You're going to sit here till you've learned your lesson," She informed you, moving to turn the tap on.

Ice-cold water started to flood the tub. You figured you had a few minutes before the water would cover your mouth and nose. You started begging and pleading to your two masters, "Please, please, _please!_ " You cried, "Please, I'll be so good for you! I won't ever act out again! I'll be your good girl!"

They only laughed at your remarks, looming over you as the water crept up your side and completely covered your neck.

"We'll be back when we know you're going to be a good girl," Sir told you, and you heard their footsteps leaving the room.

You knew that pleading for them to come back would be frugal, still, you did it. You begged and cried for your masters, telling them that you would be good and that you would never disobey again.

The piercing water started to inch up your face, nearing your nose and mouth. You started to sob, fear racing through your veins. Your subconscious told you that they wouldn't let you die, but the profiler in you told you that you were facing your final moments.

As the water started to close over your mouth and small drops started to drip into your nose, you forced your breathing to calm down. When the water completely submerged your nose, you held your breath as long as you could.

When your lungs started to burn, your visions started to blur. As you lost consciousness, you felt your body turn warm in the cold water. You felt was a painful burn in your chest and fear in your stomach. As the love-filled world around you disintegrated to nothing, you felt your body go numb. 

**-May-**

**_Emily's POV_ **

"Emily, do you want to talk about it?" Alex whispered, her hands tangling into Emily's hair. They were both laying on Emily's bed, small tears trailing down Emily's face. She had been silently crying in bed, waiting for Alex to inevitably show up. She had a keen sense for when Emily needed help. 

She couldn't hide the small sniffle from Alex or the waver in her voice as she tried to insist that she was fine, "Al, I'm fine," But it was clear to both of them that she was lying.

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, you are not okay. I'm not going to force you to talk about it, but I know you're not fine," Alex said with a sigh, using her thumb to gently wipe the tears off her girlfriend's face, "I want you to know that you can talk to me about it if you need to."

Emily sniffled again, a small smile spreading across her face, "I know, _Alexandra_ ," She pressed a soft kiss to Alex's nose, "I know."

Alex let Emily curl around her, Alex's fingers combing through her hair and lulling her to sleep. It had only been a little over a month, but Emily was hooked. Alex understood everything that Emily was going through, and had her own share of trauma.

They leaned heavily on each other for support, but they held up their ends of the bridge. Emily was relying more on Alex than Alex on Emily, but Alex was more than happy to help her. Most of the time, Emily would drive them to work and Alex would drive home. No matter the day, no matter the case, Emily was wrecked at the end of the day.

Sometimes Emily would curl up in her seat and fall into a blissful sleep, but most of the time she would fight tears the entire drive. Alex would set her hand on Emily's thigh or hold her hand, just trying to provide her any amount of comfort before she could wrap up the younger agent in her arms.

It hurt Alex to watch Emily struggle so deeply. Emily would beg Alex to stay home as her tearful bottom lip trembled, her body curled into a ball on her bed. Alex would apologize profusely as she helped Emily out of bed and get dressed.

Emily often appeared fine at work, but Alex could see through her pained smile.

"Em?" Alex's face reappeared in front of Emily's eyes, "You okay? You spaced out for a while."

"Yeah," Emily mumbled, reaching to grab Alex's face in her hand, "I'm good." Alex turned her head to place a kiss on Emily's palm, "I lo-, thank you, Alex." Emily cut herself off, stopping from jumping the gun.

Alex's face softened, "Emily Prentiss, I love you," She whispered, trying to avoid spooking her.

"I love you too, Alex Blake," Emily breathed quietly, her forehead leaning to connect with Alex's.

They sat in silence for a while, soaking in the comfort from one another. For as long as she could, Emily kept her mind in the present, trying to hold desperately to the warm and happy feeling in her chest. Alex continued to run her fingers through her girlfriend's hair, her head filled with questions as Emily started to cry again. 

"Em, you need to talk about it," She stated more than asked, Emily was bottling up too much and soon she'd be shutting everyone out and that's when her emotions would burrow down into her like a disease. 

Emily sighed in response. She couldn't bear the thought of discussing the problem. 

**-June-**

**_Aaron's POV_ **

I was forced to take a two-week vacation, due to the extensive hours I was spending in the office. Dave and Derek were practically begging me to leave the office, probably tired of my constant presence there. I would come in around six a.m., sometimes earlier, and leave after midnight. I couldn't not work.

"Aaron, take some time off. Relax. We'll keep the BAU afloat," Dave urged me, almost dragging me out of the office.

I could have gone out of state, or even tried to leave the house, but neither sounded appealing.

I spent the two weeks stuck up in my house. I barely consumed anything the entire time, only taking the time to brew a copious amount of coffee. I would feel intense pains of hunger but would stifle them with coffee.

I would trudge down the stairs from my bedroom, generally around one p.m., and put on a pot of coffee. I went through two pots a day, and it somehow didn't affect my sleeping.

Despite my innate ability to sleep, no matter the amount of caffeine I consumed, I would force myself to stay up as late as possible.

Extreme guilt would fill my chest anytime I tried to sleep. I couldn't bear to indulge myself in such a luxury as sleeping. 

I ignored the calls from Dave and Emily, desperately wanting to spend my given two weeks alone. I know that I had grudgingly taken the time off, but I was enjoying not being under the watchful eyes of profilers. Surely they would notice my weight loss since I hadn't eaten more than a few crackers a day. Anything more that I ate, would come back up, and not by choice.

What seemed to overtake my two weeks, other than my lack of eating, were intrusive thoughts. If I were to profile myself, my first thought would be to go to a therapist. But my mind told me that I didn't deserve help.

_You're so selfish._

_You don't deserve food, you barely deserve coffee._

_You shouldn't try to enjoy your time, you shouldn't even be taking time off._

I just laid in bed, crying and reveling in the pain of hunger, which my body despised. I couldn't bear to lift my head from the pillow I had soaked with my pain-filled tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, sorry it took a while to get it up. I know that technically, Alex Blake wasn't there when Emily was, but I ship them. 
> 
> I want to stress that when I wrote about y/n's body, it was only because of the eating disorder. All bodies and beautiful and perfect <3
> 
> I ended up splitting the chapter in half because it was nearing 9k words, it should be out within a day or two. Chapters are going to be taking more time, due to my school workload. 
> 
> I love all of you so much, thank you for all the love and support. Don't forget to comment and vote <3
> 
> Stay Grovvy, my loves.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mention of Sexual Assault, Emetophobia

**-July-**

**_Emily's POV_ **

Emily couldn't seem to get out of bed, the painful knowledge of y/n's birthday plaguing her thoughts.

"Emily, I know that you don't want to, but you've got to get up for work," Alex's soft voice broke into Emily's thoughts. She didn't want to push her, but Alex already knew that they had a case to work.

With a sad sigh, Emily rolled over to face away from Alex. Emily felt bad, dismissing Alex like that, but the pain in her chest made it hard to care.

To her surprise, Alex's arms wrapped around Emily's body, "Clinomania; the excessive desire to stay in bed." Alex mumbled, her hands stroking the hair out of Emily's face. As a linguist, Alex loved telling Emily random meanings of words. She would use them as a way to explain how she or Emily was feeling in the moment when nothing else seemed to work.

Emily couldn't stop the tears falling from her eyes and she didn't attempt to explain her pain to Alex, she already knew. The only thing she could say was, "I miss her."

"I know, love. I know," Alex's hands gently moved to Emily's hips, drawing comforting circles into the bare skin, "We can meet the team at the airstrip instead of the office so that you can take more time to get ready," Alex told her, hoping that it would entice Emily to get up.

Her head nodded, "Can we shower?" Emily asked quietly, and Alex responded by crawling out of the bed and grabbing Emily's hand. She helped her girlfriend out of their bed and led her to the bathroom.

The younger of the two was still fighting tears, trying to hide her sad expression from Alex. When Alex made eye contact, Emily gave her a forced smile.

"Eccedenteiast; someone who hides pain behind a smile," Alex told her, hoping that it would tell Emily that she didn't need to hide with Alex, "It means that you can cry, Emily. You don't need to keep your emotions away from me."

She nodded to Alex's words, small tears dripping down her face, "I'm sorry," Emily huffed, taking a moment to think, "Agliophobia; the fear of being hurt," Emily murmured, keeping her gaze on the floor.

Alex moved to hold her face in her hands, "Emily, I would never hurt you," She told her, letting the absence of words speak for itself. Alex didn't need to explain further.

"I love you, Al."

"I love you too, Em."

They showered, taking time to rest under the warm spray of water. After getting dressed, they silently made their way to the car. Alex feared saying something that would upset Emily and Emily was weary of tears overtaking her words.

Emily was silent the entire flight, her head resting solemnly on Alex's shoulder. If the team gave her weird looks, she didn't notice, her mind completely elsewhere.

Aaron also looked worse for wear, his eyes drooping in a perpetually sad expression. Once the team had gone through the case for them, Emily leaned over to Alex, "Could you read to me?" Emily pleaded with wide eyes.

Alex smoothed her hand over Emily's wild hair and pressed a kiss to her temple, "Of course, darling," Alex quickly pulled out a random book from her bag, not bothering to look at the title. Emily didn't care about the content, she just wanted to be soothed by Alex's voice. She couldn't describe why, but her voice had an innate ability to calm anyone in a matter of seconds.

As Alex read, she felt another head slowly approach her shoulder. Spencer had sat on the other side of her on the couch, and her reading to Emily quickly attracted an already tired Spencer.

**_Aaron's POV_ **

I was determined to have a normal day on y/n's birthday, but my plan quickly failed.

From the moment I was awake, deep dread filled my chest. I had gotten a call early morning that we had a case, so I had to spend more time awake. I immediately called JJ, telling her to call the team in.

A few minutes later, I received a text from Alex.

_Dr. Alex Blake: Prentiss and I will meet the team at the tarmac, she's having a rough morning._

I wished I could do that too, I wished I was able to come in late and not have to carry a team on my back. I forced myself into the shower and quickly washed off the grimy feeling of sleep.

By the time I made it to the office, I had two cups of coffee in my system. I tried my hardest to focus on the case, but my mind automatically blocked out Garcia. When the table fell silent, I realized that the case had been thoroughly talked through.

"Prentiss and Blake will be meeting us at the jet, wheels up in thirty," I realized that I didn't know much about the case, other than what I had been told over the phone. I planned to review the case on the jet, with the full team present.

As the jet took off, my eyes immediately fell on Emily. Her chin was sitting glumly on Alex's shoulder and Alex was quietly reading to her. It was oddly heart-warming. What I noticed directly after, was that Spencer's head was resting on Alex's other shoulder. He was completely asleep, her words most likely lulling him to sleep.

As stealthy as I could, for an extremely trained FBI agent, I pulled my phone out to take a picture. I quickly took the picture before any of the three could notice, immediately I sent the picture to Alex. She furrowed her brow at me, before opening the message and a warm smile spreading across her face. I could tell, and it didn't take a profiler to notice, that Alex loved Emily very much.

Dave's voice calling my name tore me from Alex's gaze.

"Aaron, we should talk," Never good words to hear, but I nodded anyway, "Strauss has been pestering me to talk to you about y/n's case. Although we told her it was closed, it is still, very obviously, open. She is asking me to tell you to close the case."

I took a breath to speak, but his held-up hand stopped me from speaking, "I told her that I would handle it. However, I wouldn't say anything if the files got copied or the database was randomly used for a search. I want to find her as much as you do, but we need to work on it out of the office."

I nodded, anticipating more words, "I, as you know, have a very large mansion. I am more than happy to share the space so that we can work as a team, outside of the office."

"That's great Dave, that will be extremely helpful. I haven't been able to put down the files, much less label it cold," I felt a harsh wave of sadness wash over me, "I can't look at that red stamp across her name that says 'closed'. I can't even bear to close the physical file sometimes."

"I know, Aaron. That's why I'm offering. It'll get you out of that stuffy office and into a new space. And don't worry, I have more than enough coffee to last you a lifetime," Dave said with a slight chuckle.

**-August-**

**_Aaron's POV_ **

Every evening at the sharp time of five p.m., the entire BAU would leave the office. I would generally drive alone, Spencer opting to ride with Derek, Emily with Alex, and Penelope, JJ, and Dave driving separately.

We would all make our way to Dave's mansion, acting as though we were merely headed to a team get-together. Dave would always prepare something Italian, or someone would order in, and we would work.

Y/n's case files had been spread throughout Dave's library. We had boards, tables, and walls covered in pictures, notes, and picture evidence. Since the case was _closed_ we didn't have access to the physical evidence. Due to being close to eight months deep in the case, we decided the best way to approach the profile would be to start from scratch.

The first board was covered in the preliminary case, photos of Briza's first five random victims spread across the board, and a photo of Carter Johnson tagged on as the sixth victim. Under Carter's photos, there was a card that labeled _'Carter Johnson, abusive ex-boyfriend of y/n'_ , which sent a sad shiver down my spine.

The next board housed pictures of me, tied to a chair and a clock counting down my demise. Somehow the pictures didn't phase me. I could barely remember the event, my mind being so focused on y/n, even during the actual abduction.

The final board was the fullest. It had just the crime scene pictures, a second board being used for the hundreds of pictures that Briza had taken. I had to take the time to sift through all the photos and block out all the naked body parts. Although we knew the general nature of the photos, we thought that there might be more in the pictures, something that Briza focused more on than other things.

"Okay, we know that Briza is a psychopath. Devoid of feelings and emotions, unable to love or feel other's love," Spencer told the group like he was presenting the case to a local police force, "Her previous relationship with the victim ending," We had decided to use the term 'victim' as a way to distance ourselves from the case, "was the initial stressor and the upcoming anniversary of their break up was the trigger," Spencer said in one breath, standing in front of the team.

The next part was the more difficult part if there could be a more difficult part than profiling your girlfriend's captor, "Do we think that there's a sexual motive involved?" JJ's meek voice asked from the couch, her features filled with worry and dejection. The room was silent for a moment until Alex spoke.

"From a slight outsider perspective, one would assume yes," She said slowly, but there was more behind her words, "The pictures are obviously sexual in nature, but that seems to be a root of a different issue," Alex started to elaborate, "We know that her father abused her when she was young, so she might be implementing certain aspects that he did, but I don't think that Briza is raping her."

The entire room stiffened at her last words, the mere thought of y/n in that situation making me sick to my stomach.

"That's just from profiling the pictures. None of the other victims were female, so we can't accurately assess what she would do with a female. Women are the least likely to rape anyone, and that extends further to other women. I _really_ don't think that she's being assaulted, at least not in a way that we would perceive as sexual," Blake continued to speak, her eyes flitting from picture to picture like she was chasing the answer.

"Most likely, she's using small 'sexual' acts as torture. In similar cases, we've seen unsubs use nipple clamps, vibrators, and, commonly, bondage. Things like a St. Andrew's Cross, leg spreader, cuffs, or chains. Those things are viewed as sexual, but would only be used to restrain the victim for torture rather than sexual assault," Alex concluded. I couldn't tell if her words calmed me down or worried me more.

It was comforting that y/n most likely wasn't being assaulted, but the thought of torture terrified me. I had tried for as long as I could to block out the potential things that y/n was going through, settling on the knowledge that it wasn't anything good was enough for me. I didn't want to think through, in great detail, how different 'normal' things could be used as torture.

"Okay, moving from the sexual aspect, we need to think about the geographical profile," Derek said, walking over to the map on the wall, "We know that she dumped the men on the steps of political buildings to catch our eye. We know that she's from Annapolis, Maryland, so we can include that in the profile. It's well within the range, though it is in the wrong direction from the house we found. But it's more than plausible that she took her north to try and shake her scent."

"How far would you think that she would go?" Emily asked, her hand secured in Alex's.

"Depends. If she thought that we were close on her tail, then she may have gone further. But if she had something set up, then she wouldn't deviate from her plan. She's mission-oriented, her ultimate target being y/n, and she wouldn't go out of her way to include other people unless they were necessary." Derek stated, looking around the room for approval.

"Do you think that we're looking for a partner?" Penelope implored in a small voice.

I was the next to speak, "We know that she had a male partner when she abducted me, but I don't think that he's still in the picture. If anything, she killed him to keep him quiet. But, I think that there's a long-term partner that we're not seeing." It was hard to ignore the doomed sinking feeling in my stomach, something felt wrong.

"We've gone through past partners and associates, everyone is clean," Penelope looked up from her computer with a sad frown, "Unless there's someone on the inside."

"That's almost necessary for it to work. We know that Briza had cameras in the BAU, but she still would have needed someone else." I confirmed her theory, receiving nods and hums of support.

Still, Penelope protested, "We've checked everyone, they're clean. Her friends, the US Marshals, her parents, her professors, everyone," She was furiously typing, searching for an answer that probably wasn't there. I felt my chest tightening and my mind was screaming at me to get out, to leave.

"We should look into suspicious purchases or cash withdrawals. Anyone withdrawing enough money for rent, or someone buying multiple burner phones should be tagged," I announced gruffly, trying to quickly remove myself from the conversation. I stood, not waiting for a response, and left the room. My head was spinning from the sudden movement paired with the lack of sustenance.

If someone was calling after me, I didn't pay and mind. I just got in my car and drove home. Trying to fight the urge to pass out from the intense swirling in my head.

**-September-**

**_Emily's POV_ **

"Happy five months, my love," Alex whispered into Emily's ear, her arms wrapped around the younger agent's waist and her chin hooked over her shoulder. Emily was stirring a pot of pasta, planning to have a nice dinner for their anniversary.

Emily turned her head to gently catch Alex's lips in a soft kiss, "Happy five months," She whispered back, "I love you."

Alex hummed and attached her lips to Emily's neck, sucking softly on her pulse point, earning a gasp from the other woman, "Al, I'm trying to cook."

"Then don't let me distract you," Alex responded as she gripped Emily's waist tighter and moved her lips down to her collarbone. Emily's head tilted up, to give Alex more room to work.

"If I burn the food, it's officially your fault," Emily sighed, her head leaning back on to Alex's shoulder and her eyes dropping shut. Her hands laced into the doctor's hair, giving it a gentle tug and relishing in the hitch in Alex's breathing.

Alex moved to nibble on Emily's earlobe, moaning softly into her ear, "Then, maybe we should get take out. Your cooking is notoriously, and almost always, burnt."

Emily's face dropped into a fake pout, "That's not true. My food is good," She huffed, moving back to stirring the pasta.

"I'm sorry, love, but Rossi wouldn't come close to your food," Alex said with a chuckle, running her hands up Emily's side and wrapping them around to her abdomen. She hugged Emily tightly, not giving Emily the chance to wiggle away.

Emily sighed, turning around to face her girlfriend, "I know, but I wanted this to be special," Her fake pout turning real.

Alex's hands moved to hold her face, her thumbs grazing over Emily's cheekbones, "It is. Any moment with you is special," She told her lovingly, forcing Emily to meet her eyes, "I love you, Emilia Prentiss," Alex said in an Italian accent.

Emily laughed, "You know my name isn't Emilia, right?" Emily asked while wrapping her arms around her neck, "I could always call you Alexandra."

"I know, but I like how it sounds. And it weird how one missing letter changes a name so much." Alex hummed, pressing a kiss into Emily's nose.

"Yeah, well _I like how it sounds_." She mimicked Alex.

**-October-**

**_Aaron's POV_ **

It was Jack's birthday and I somehow managed to see him for about an hour. I spent the morning convincing myself that I wouldn't faint while drinking a copious amount of coffee and ignoring all the food in my house, not that any of the food was close to being in date.

I had to arrange a secure meeting spot so that I could spend an hour with my son. It was infuriating. I was tired of the US Marshal posted outside of my house and the thought of Jack being forced to spend more time away from me, all because some stupid bitch got her feelings hurt. I didn't blame y/n, she didn't plan this, and I couldn't hold that against her.

"Dad!" Jack yelped as he ran over to me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"Hey, buddy! You've gotten taller, do you ever stop growing!" I chuckled, picking him up into my arms, "How've you been?" I asked him, moving to sit down in a chair.

Jack threw his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly, "I miss you," He huffed sadly, and my heart practically stopped.

Fending off the hitch in my voice, I rubbed my hand on his back and responded, "I know bud, I miss you too. All the time."

I should have known that even as my son, he would notice the dramatic change in my appearance, but I didn't expect his rather blunt assessment, "You look different. You're thinner and your eyes look sad." He told me with a frown, his small hands reaching up to poke my face.

I sighed heavily, guilt filling my chest as I realized how badly I was suffering, "I know bud, I've just been working really hard on finding y/n. I miss her a lot." I told him, leaning back to look him in the eye.

"Do you miss her like you miss mommy?" Jack's face frowned slightly as he asked the question. My stomach dropped harshly and my breath hitched, I definitely wasn't expecting it.

I nodded slightly, not sure how to explain the situation. He was assimilating the situation with Haley to y/n, in his mind y/n was in the same place Haley was, "Kind of. I miss mommy all the time, but I know that she can't come back. The team and I are still looking for y/n, so I'm hoping that she will come back." I worded it as gently as I could, but there was a hint of fear behind my words.

"What if she doesn't come back, do I have to stay with Jessica forever? I don't want to. I miss you," he pouted and his bottom lip trembled as tears filled his bright blue eyes.

My chest tightened, "We're not going to worry about that quite yet. What if we talk about it at the end of the day, I want you to have fun today," I did my best to change the subject, not wanting to turn his birthday into a tearful occasion.

He nodded, "Is the rest of the team here?" Jack asked excitedly. I waved Dave and Reid over, "Just Dave and Reid, they really wanted to see you."

" 'pencer! Dave!" Jack screamed as he climbed off my lap. I watched with a smile as he wrapped himself around Spencer's legs and Dave came to sit next to me, "Does he miss you?"

I nodded with a smile, "Of course he does," I paused for a moment, "Just about as much as I miss him," I couldn't shake the aching pain in my chest as I watched Spencer produce a quarter from Jack's ear. It was hard to look past the joy of seeing him, knowing how soon the interaction would last. 

"Don't make that face, Aaron," Dave scolded me, "Just enjoy the time and deal with the sadness when it comes," It was like he could read my mind.

The rest of the time with Jack was great. He opened presents from the whole team and devoured the cupcakes that Garcia made. I felt my heart drop when he offered me a cupcake and I forced myself to deny it, telling him that I wasn't hungry. It felt like a stab in the back when his face dropped, but when I forced myself to consume part of it was the truly bad part. 

My stomach wasn't used to much of anything these days, nothing that sugary for sure, so I had instant and sharp pains in my stomach. I ignored them, even ignoring and swallowing down the urge to vomit, and continued the visit with Jack. 

Once Jessica's car turned the corner, I immediately doubled over in pain. Spencer was distracting Dave long enough for me to empty my stomach contents into a trash can, but he must have heard my retching noise. When his freshly shone shoes came into my eye line, I was still dry heaving, my stomach trying to force up bile. 

I could hear his muffled voice talking, but the ringing in my ears was too loud. I could only guess what he was saying, so I attempted to respond, "I'm fine, Dave. The cupcake just didn't sit well," I said with a noncommittal tone, trying to bear the resemblance of fine. 

Before he could respond, I brushed his hand off my shoulder and quickly made my way over to my car. I knew that they wouldn't respect my privacy, but it was better than standing there and explaining the reason I've been starving myself. 

When I closed my car, I felt harsh tears sting my eyes and threaten to spill out. I could see Dave say something before starting to walk toward my car, but I started it and drove away before he could get close enough to knock on a window. 

I watched them in the rear-view mirror as they watched me drive away, shock filling both their faces. 


	9. Chapter 9

_"It's your turn now, my prince." You told him, grabbing his hands. He pulled you into his tight embrace, your head laying against his chest, "I love you, y/n."_

_"I love you too." You leaned back to kiss him. He continued to sway you back and forth, the far off click of a camera capturing the moment._

_You and Aaron continued to sway, his arms tightly set around your waist. The fast thump of his heart filled your ears and you felt small tears drop down onto your head. You lifted your head from his chest to look up at him, "Aaron? What's wrong?" You whispered as you moved your hand to wipe the tears away._

_"I just love you so much. I'm so in love with you, it almost hurts," He said through a watery smile. You rested your hand against his chest, feeling his fast heart beat. You pressed your lips against his, your mouth formed into a smile. You couldn't stop smiling. Every time you looked at Aaron, or glanced around at the people attending your wedding, an uncontrollable smile would overtake your face._

_"I love you too, my perfect husband," You sighed against his mouth. Aaron tightened his arms around your waist, dipping you down and pressing his lips against yours again. There were hoots from the team , and you heard the steady click of the camera again._

_You were completely and utterly in love with him. Every inch of his perfect body. Every drop of blood and strand of dark brunette hair. The subtle smell of his aftershave and the fierce mint and coffee on his breath. Everything._

_After the song ended, you were pried from Aaron's arms. Emily, Garcia and JJ were dragging you away and to the middle of the dancefloor. You blew him a kiss as he laughed at you._

_"He doesn't get you all to himself!" Emily giggled as she wrapped her arms around you. She was still heavily intoxicated and didn't think about the fact that she was grinding on you in front of your new-wed husband and all your wedding guests._

_You threw Aaron an apologetic gland as Emily continued to dance. You could tell that she was upset about JJ bringing Will, so you let her distract herself. After a few songs, you were sweaty and danced out. You wobbled your way over to Aaron, plopping down in his lap and throwing your arms around his neck._

_"You looked like you were having fun," He chuckled, pressing a kiss into your temple. You nodded with a breathy laugh, "Yeah, sorry about Emily."_

_"It's okay, I know there was nothing behind it. She's upset because of Will," He mumbled into your neck. You shivered slightly, the air becoming increasingly cool on your damp skin._

_Aaron's form stiffened under you and his voice changed, "Where are you, y/n?" His voice droned, and his cold tone sent a shiver down your spine. When you looked up at him you saw his eyes were distant and cold._

_"Where did you go? Why did you leave?" He continued to ask, and you noticed the yard around you fading. As your eyes drooped to black you heard his last words. You felt a harsh cold covering you as he spoke his final, chilling sentiment._

_"What is wrong with you?"_

-

You woke up with a harsh cough, water sputtering out of your mouth. As you gasped for air, greedily taking in huge gulps of precious oxygen, you surveyed your surroundings. You were laying in a ceramic tub, which at one point you were tied into. There was about an inch of ice cold water under and surrounding your lithe form. Unbeknownst to you, Sir and Ma'am were mere feet from you, hidden by the tall edge of the bathtub.

Your hoarse voice called out into the bathroom, thinking that it was otherwise empty, "Aaron!" you knew that he wasn't there and he couldn't hear you, but still you exhausted your quickly fleeting energy.

"You really think that bastard is going to save you?" You recognized the steely voice of Sir ringing throughout the bathroom and sending a fear-filled shock to your stomach. You couldn't bring yourself to lift your recently freed head from the bottom of the tub, terrified of what the outcome would be.

You hated that for a moment you longed for Aaron's presence. You knew that he had dropped you and your case, and that he wasn't worth your time. Sir and Ma'am were the only people who deserved your time, much less a space in your mind. Aaron didn't deserve a fleeting thought of him from you.

You knew how much you mess up, letting your thoughts drift to Aaron for that brief time. You knew that your Owner would be furious, and that even after the punishment you just served, there would be hell to pay.

"No, Sir," you replied, staying true to your submission, "I don't want him to save me," and it was true. You didn't want to see that lying, hurtful man ever again.

"Good girl," Sir praised you, sending happy butterflies through your chest as you reveled in her admiration. She bent down to help you out of the cold tub, Madame already waiting with a warm, fluffy towel.

They wrapped you into the towel and led you out of the bathroom. If there was going to be a secondary punishment, they were going to let you recover before it started. As if she was reading your thoughts, Sir spoke to you, as she was leading you to her bed, "Don't worry, love, we're not going to punish you for that. I know it was just a momentary lapse in the hard work you've been doing to submit," Sir's words put you at ease knowing that you weren't recovering just to be punished all over again.

If you were in your right mind, you would have realized that each time they punished you, they were just waiting for you to recover again. You should have realized that you were only a punching bag for them to take their stress out on. You should have realized that they didn't love you.

Instead you reveled in the intense aftercare that they gave you. Enjoying each cuddle, snuggle, and forehead kiss that they had to offer. They were so nice to you, they expressed their love for you and gave you all the love they could. You were loved by them, and you loved them. They were your masters, and you were there to submit. You were theirs.

"Little girl, why the tears?" Sir's soft voice whispered into your ear. You weren't aware that you had started crying, but you instantly knew why.

You drew in a shuddering breath, and shame filled your chest, "I-I feel bad that I-I failed in my s-submission. I'm s-sorry that I failed you," you turned to sob into Sir's neck, embarrassment and guilt weighing on your soul.

"Oh, princess, you didn't fail," Sir cooed, stroking your hair in an effort to calm you down, "You didn't fail me, I promise. You're still my good little girl," Sir continued to her feeble attempt to console you. She continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you drifted to sleep.

-

It had been six months since the bathtub incident. It was early October, and you had a heavy mood the entire week. Sir was completely fed up with your solemn demeanor, so she cornered you and forced you to tell her what was wrong. The only problem was that you feared that the truth would bring you punishment.

"You need to tell me what is wrong, or we're going to try the tub again, and this time I won't be so kind," Sir threatened you with a hiss.

You immediately started to explain, but you were stumbling over your words, "I, uh. It's, well, the thing is," you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, "It's Jack's birthday, and I know that I'm not supposed to be thinking about Hotch, but I couldn't help it. I can't stop thinking about how much I miss Jack, but I don't miss Hotch. Not one bit," you spat out, making sure to thoroughly explain your still-brewing hatred for Hotch.

Ever since April, Sir had instituted a new rule. You weren't to talk or think about Agent Hotchner. Any mention would get you promptly sent to your dog bed and chain for the rest of the day, if not more.

You quickly learned to direct your thoughts away from Hotch, it was like Sir and Madame could sense that you were thinking about him for more than a few seconds. For the first month, they were lenient. Mainly, they would make it known that they were aware of who you were thinking about and then simply tell you to stop, but the punishments quickly came the more you struggled with the task.

By early June, you had endured countless punishments due to your wandering mind. By the beginning of July, you had completely pushed Agent Hotchner out of your mind. And you were glad to be rid of that horrible man.

In early October, you had completely rid yourself of Aaron Hotchner, but his son weaseled his way into your mind, "Oh, honey, it's okay. I know how much you liked Jack, but I don't want you thinking about him anymore," Sir consoled you, placing a gentle hand on your face. You let your head lean into the gesture, resting it in her palm. For the rest of the day you kept yourself busy, a feeble attempt to starve off your thoughts of Jack.


	10. Chapter 10

It was early November when things changed. 

You and Sir were sitting on the couch, your head nestled into Sir's lap and your legs across the rest of the couch. Madame wasn't there for your punishment, but you didn't know where she was. She had just finished punishing you, but the intense cuddle and praise session made you forget the reason. You knew that your body was covered in bruises and welts from the leather flogger and your face was sore from the constant slaps that she delivered during the punishment. 

There was music playing lowly, but your sniffles drowned out the music. You were still crying, knowing that you had disappointed Sir, "Why are you crying, princess?" Sir asked, hanging her head down to meet your watery eyes. You sniffled again and let her wipe the tears from your face. 

"I'm so sorry that I disappointed you. I won't do it ever again," You cried, more tears spilling down your face. You moved to curl into her lap, burying your face into her shoulder. She ran her hands up and down your protruding spine, lightly shushing you. You let yourself sink into her arms, and your sniffle started to subside. 

You fell asleep in her arms and woke to her offer of food. It had been a long time since you had a decent meal, so you greedily accepted the pile of pretzels and the sliced apple. The two of you sat on the couch for the rest of the day, lazily watching the tv. 

Around 2 p.m., a harsh smash and loud thud drew your focus. A slew of bodies rushed in and Sir immediately jumped off of the couch placing herself in front of you, "What do you want!?" she shouted at the people as you cowered in fear. You feared that someone was trying to take you from your Masters. 

"Briza Vazquez, you're under arrest!" A man shouted, his voice sounding oddly familiar. You felt your body quake at the sheer volume of the yell, "You don't need to do this, she's happy here!" Sir spat back, her tone sending another wave of fear over your body. You were scared and confused. Why were these people here? Why were they trying to take you away?

The bodies moved closer and Sir sprung into action. She grabbed a gun from somewhere and whipped around to you. Sir wrapped an arm around your neck and pressed the barrel of the gun to your temple, "Sir!" You cried as tears filled your eyes, blurring the people who had barged into your home. 

"Move again, and I'll blow her brains out!" She told them, ignoring your pleading sobs. Your hands clung to her arm, trying to free yourself from her steely hold, "Sir, please, I'll be good!" you begged her to budge. Your hands stopped pulling on her arm, hoping that your submission to her hold would convince her to stop. 

She didn't respond, only flitting her gaze from person to person in the apartment, "Vazquez, drop the gun and we'll tell the D.A. that you cooperated!" A different, older man's voice spoke calmly, but the tears in your eyes anyone's faces from coming into focus. Your nails dug into your Owner's arm, trying to desperately escape her arms.

You didn't register the next thing that happened till a few moments after.

A gunshot rang throughout the apartment and Sir's body fell limp to the floor. You dropped onto her as you took in what happened. There was a bullet hole in the middle of her forehead and blood seeping out behind her head. Sorrowful sobs racked your body as you looked down on her lax face. You clung to her body, desperately trying to bring life back into her. You didn't want her to be gone, you didn't know what to do without her. 

You fought the hands that gently grabbed your shoulders, till your crying forced your body to be easily moved. Even after almost a year, you recognized the feel of those hands and that distinct smell of coffee and mint. You started to fight again, quickly slipping from his arms and to the floor, "Don't touch me!" you shouted, trying your best to crawl away from him. 

The next voice you also recognized, but you were immediately felt calm, "Hey, hey, y/n. Can you take a deep breath for me? We're going to get," you shuttered at his name, "out of here," you obliged, drawing in a shuttering breath. "Y/n, is it okay if I touch you?" The comforting voice of Emily Prentiss questioned you, her voice sending more calm throughout your body. You nodded, trying to clear your eyes so that you could focus on her. You knew that she hated you, but you had missed her so much. 

She knelt down in front of you, gently taking your hands in her, "We need to get you checked out at the hospital," she told you, but quickly added to her statement when she saw your distress, "What if we take a car instead of an ambulance? You can be with me, and I'll keep you safe," Emily cautiously reached towards your face, cupping your jaw and thumbing the tears from your cheeks. 

"I don't want him there," You managed through a sob, hoping that she wouldn't force you to say his name. You weren't allowed to say his name anymore. Emily nodded, "Okay, how about you, me, and JJ? She can drive and I'll sit with you in the back," your head nodded at her words, looking around to spot the blonde agent. 

As you stood, you felt dissociation trying to pull you from the present. The two of them walked you to the door, but your steps faltered as you got to the doorway. It had been eleven months since you entered the apartment, and you weren't sure that you wanted to leave. "Y/n? What's wrong?" Emily asked you, moving to look you in the eyes. 

"What's going to happen to Sir? Where's Madame? I don't want her to come home to her body. I don't want her to be alone," your voice started to shake and you looked to Emily in fear, hoping that she would tell you what to do. It had been eleven months and you've never separated from either of them, and it had been eleven months since you had to make a decision for yourself. You didn't know what to do. 

Emily placed her hand on your shoulder, making sure that she had your attention, "Someone is going to clean up the apartment and we already have Megan in custody," she told you, but her words did nothing to calm you. Ma'am was in custody? Why?

"Why do you have her?" you asked, true confusion crossing your face, "What did she do?" Emily sighed, she didn't want to attempt to broach the subject and she didn't want to think about the severe Stockholm Syndrome that Megan and Briza inflicted on you. 

Emily took a deep breath before speaking, "We found pictures of you on her phone, and the address to this apartment when we caught Megan," she told you, which was the truth. You nodded at her words, finding it odd that Ma'am had tried to evade the IRS. "Okay," you nodded again, letting her lead you out of the house. You walked alongside the two agents. You weren't sure if you could still call them friends, Sir and Ma'am had told you how much the entire team hated you. You honestly couldn't fathom why they were being so kind of you. 

You sat silently in the car, glad that neither of the women attempted to talk to you. The profiler in you said that you were in shock, but you figured that you just felt empty without Sir and Ma'am. That's when the fear of being without your Masters set in. You felt fresh tears drip down your face, but you willed yourself to not shake with a sob. You didn't want to alert either of the agents that you were crying. 

Without speaking, Emily gestured for you to place your head on her shoulder, to you gladly accepted. She gently carded through your hair, letting your tears drop onto her kevlar vest, which she had neglected to remove. 

The drive was long, but you flitted in and out of consciousness. You knew that you shouldn't be seeking the solace of sleep when Sir had just been shot in front of you. Panic filled your chest again, feeling the harsh separation from her. You just wanted to be back home, curled up in her lap. Hell, you'd take a punishment over what was currently happening. 

As you neared the hospital, you felt the threat of dissociating. Deciding that you didn't want to feel the pain that you were in, you let your mind slip. Your eyes glazed over and you could hear the muffled words of Emily, but as you fell further into the dissociation, all sounds and sights completely muted from your brain. 


	11. Chapter 11

I was hunched over my desk when the clicking of heels alerted me to Garcia's approach. She was moving fast and didn't bother to knock or wait for me to ask what she needed, "Sir, I know that I'm barging in, but I think I have a lead. I don't know for sure. I hope it is, for y/n. I'm rambling, sorry. As you know, I have high-priority tags and alerts on anything that might pertain to y/n's case. I know that in the past tagging things have gotten me in trouble, but I didn't think that you would mind when it came to this case," I could tell that she was starting to ramble again.

Right as I was about to cut her off, she started to veer back on course, "I get alerts if anyone in our group of WITSEC has been arrested, put on the news, or anything suspicious is bought, sold, or sent somewhere. I was sitting in my layer when I got an alert that Megan Parmeter was brought into the IRS for tax evasion," her words really didn't explain much, I didn't see how tax evasion warranted her barging into my office.

"Garcia, evading her taxes is her own problem, we don't need to get mixed up in it," I told her, but she quickly continued to explain, "Sir, she had an off-shore bank account, that I didn't know she had obvi, and was using it to pay what seems to be rent for an apartment. When that was reported in the IRS database, I got a flag," her words started to spike panic in me. If Megan had been helping Briza all this time, I didn't know how I would be able to handle that.

I calmed myself down enough to give her an order, "Have the IRS finish processing her and then get her transported here," I stood from my chair before tacking on, "As soon as possible."

I left my office first, heading straight to Dave's office. If anyone could help me navigate what was potentially happening, it was him. I quickly walked the short distance before knocking and entering the office. He was, _shockingly_ , not doing any work at the time.

"What's up Aaron?" he asked as he looked up from his phone, not trying to hide the fact that he wasn't working. I took a deep breath before trying to explain the situation at hand, "I think we have a lead in y/n's case," I said shortly, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk.

"Explain," he requested shortly, looking at me expectantly. Although I had been taking her abduction the hardest over the past months, he had lost someone likened to a daughter. He didn't mess around when it came to y/n.

"Garcia has had numerous things tagged, hoping that someone would slip up and give us a lead. She just barged into my office with news," I took a deep breath, feeling guilt and panic fill my chest again, "It looks like Megan Parmeter has an off-shore bank account and has been paying rent to an apartment. She's being processed by the IRS then getting transported here."

I let him sit with the information before speaking again, "Dave, I don't know what I'll do if it's been her all along. I need it so badly to be her, but if it is, I don't think I'll survive," my voice wavered at the end of my sentence.

He took a deep breath before attempting an answer, "Aaron, I know that you struggle with this, but you can't let this eat you up. Briza is manipulative, she knows how to control people. You couldn't have known if Megan was helping her. She's probably not much different than Vazquez. If you get consumed by guilt, then you won't be able to help y/n."

I nodded, knowing that his words would always be true. He tended to have a way with words, "I know I shouldn't carry that guilt, but you know that I won't rest till I have her back. And I can't fathom what to do if this doesn't lead us to her. I _have_ to get her back," I told him, pinching the top of my nose to stave off the small tears forming in my eyes. I sat for a moment, trying to anticipate what he was going to say.

It was coming up on a year since he assured me that we would find her, but I hadn't felt hope in finding her since. It was hard to let the potential of finding y/n in. I couldn't deal with another blow.

"Aaron, I know I've been saying this for a year, but we're going to find her. We won't put the files down till we have her back in our arms," he said sternly. I tried my hardest to believe his words, I really did.

After three hours of anxious waiting, Garcia let me know that Megan was being escorted to Quantico, which would take an hour at most. I took that time to brief the rest of the team.

"We have a potential break in y/n's case," I said shortly as the team sat down in the conference room. No one responded, looking at me expectantly and waiting for me to continue. "Garcia got a notification that Megan Parmeter was brought in by the IRS for tax evasion. She was neglecting taxes from an off-shore bank account that was paying rent to an apartment," I watched as their faces turned from confusion to anger.

"We don't have confirmation that she was paying rent for Briza, but the IRS just finished with her and she is being transported here," I finished, expelling a deep sigh. "I can't be in the room, especially with my connection to the case, so I want Blake to go in. She knows the rest of the team too well," she nodded at my words and picked up a folder.

"Jj, I want you to start working on a warrant for access to Megan's phone and computer. I don't want any bumps in this, especially if this is a true lead," the blond nodded at my words. "Prentiss and Morgan, I want you outside the interrogation room. Profile everything you know about her against what she says."

I looked to Dave and Spencer, "I want you two to go get all the profile supplies from Dave's. We need everything here, but don't bring anything that we already have on file," they both nodded, "I'm going to talk to Strauss. Garcia, let me know when Megan is here." she also nodded at my words.

I turned to head to my office, wanting to take a quick breather before tackling Strauss. I knew that she wouldn't be happy with the fact that we didn't stop working the case, and that she would be hesitant to grant access for the potential takedown. But, I knew, either way, we were finding what was in that apartment.

-

I was right about Strauss, she didn't take kindly to the fact that we continued to work the case. Although, she did give permission for the team to go ahead with the mission. After I was done with Erin, I went back to the bullpen, only to get word that Megan had just arrived.

I led Blake, Morgan, and Prentiss to the interrogation room hoping that my anxiety wasn't evident. I wasn't sure if I would be able to sit through the whole interview outside of the room, but I would try my hardest. For the first bit, I couldn't focus on the actual interview, I was working on containing my rage. Once I cleared my head, I could finally hear the words being exchanged in front of the one-way mirror.

"Ms. Parmeter, do you know why you're here?" Blake asked casually, hoping that Megan would make it easier than it needed to be. "No, agent, I don't. I _actually_ have things to attend to today, so unless this pertains to any progress made on my friend's case, I'd like to make this short." Megan said with a smile.

That was her first mistake. " _Actually_ , Ms. Parmeter, this does pertain to y/n's case. We have received intelligence that you have a hidden bank account." Blake stated, glaring slightly at the blonde woman in front of her. Megan didn't respond, apparently waiting for Blake to continue.

"Is there any reason in particular that you were attempting to hide said account? It's currently shelling out money to an apartment, care to tell us what is in the apartment? There's no name for the current residents," Blake questioned her, tilting her head down to look over the rim of her glasses. Megan immediately averted her gaze, suddenly very interested in her chipped manicure.

"Ms. Parmeter?" Blake repeated her question. "If you refuse to answer, you are hindering a federal investigation, which is a felony," she paused for a moment, "Would you like to change your answer?" Blake asked with a harsh edge in her voice.

Megan huffed, "You can search it, but you won't find anything. It's just an empty apartment." She said, but it was obvious that she was hiding something. Despite her blatant lie, Megan's words did nothing for my panicked feeling.

"And when we look through your phone, we'll find nothing?" Blake asked her, which got more of a reaction from Megan. "You don't have permission to go through my phone, you'll need a warrant for that." Right on cue, Jj texted me with news of an approved warrant.

Without missing a beat, I opened the door and walked through, "Actually, Ms. Parmeter, we do have a warrant. So, we're going to go through your phone and we're going to find out _exactly_ what is in that 'empty' apartment," I told her with my signature scowl.

Her mouth gaped and her eyes widened, "I'll need to see a copy of that before I hand over my personal belongings," she said, still trying to stall. "Well, Ms. Parmeter, we already have your phone in our possession, and you won't have any time to edit or delete content. Our analyst is already going through your devices," I told her before walking out, not giving her a chance to answer.

I brushed past Prentiss and Morgan and made my way to Garcia's office. I didn't want her to attempt to go through Megan's devices alone, should there be anything less than favorable on them. And I wanted to be the first to know.

I quickly swiped my I.D. across the scanner and opened the door. I should have prepared myself for the horrors that would be on Garcia's screens.

Penelope didn't even flinch when I opened the door, nor when I spoke. "Garcia?" No answer, her head still facing the screen and blocking the image on it. I stepped closer and carefully set a hand on her shoulder, "Penelope?"

She finally broke out of her terror-induced trance, and her movement told me why "Sir!" she jumped slightly. Garcia didn't attempt to say anything more, seeing my expression at the image on her screen.

Y/n was strapped to a St. Andrews Cross. There were dozens of welts across her abdomen and blood running down her naked body. There was a fresh pot of marks under her collarbone, where my initials once sat. Y/n's head was hung, either in submission or in pain, and her hair was stuck to her sweaty forehead.

"Sir!" Garcia's voice caught my attention, "We need to get the team!" She said with a yelp, standing from her chair and running out of the room. I took one more glance at the monitor before following her.

My fast steps carried me past Garcia on the way to the bullpen, and when I pushed through the double doors I spoke to the team, "Everyone in the briefing room, now."

Everyone quickly piled into the small room, anxious expressions set on their faces. I took a deep breath, trying to compartmentalize my brain and attempt to find the words to explain the situation, "We have substantial evidence that Megan Parmeter aided Briza Vazquez in the abduction of y/n y/l/n. And we have more evidence that Parmeter has been helping Vazquez torture y/n."

I took a breath after speaking, letting my words sink in. Even with the momentum that the investigation has gained, I was still having trouble finding hope. "Before we attempt to infiltrate the apartment, we need to review the profile and we have to _quickly_ go through all media on Megan's phone," I said with a sigh, worried about what else could be on the phone.

There were piles of boxes in the corner, no doubt filled with our extensive profile on Briza. I figure it would be better to go through the pictures first, and then review the profile to create an air-tight plan.

"A warning, my fine furry friends, these pictures are very icky." Garcia warned the team.

If the pictures could be worse than what I had imagined, they were. The first ten alone made me cringe. Y/n was most commonly strapped to a St. Andrew's Cross with either Briza or Megan swinging a riding crop or leather flogger. There was one of y/n spread out on the floor, piles of what seemed to me salt covering her body and ice sitting on each pile. In each set of pictures, I could see the before, during, and after of each 'punishment'. The after was always the worst.

After the salt and ice, her body was lined with welts and would be scarred from the harsh cold. The pictures of strikes lining her body made my chest ache. I wanted to kiss every mark and soothe every red line on her body. If this didn't lead us to her, I wouldn't know what to do.

We went through dozens and dozens of photos; Megan's phone hooked up to the large screen and displaying the terrible images of y/n's torture. By the tenth picture, there were tears streaming down Penelope's face and her hand was clutching tightly to Morgan's. When we reached the thirty mark, Emily, Spencer, and Dave had tears threatening to spill from their eyes. Emily had her hand tight around Alex's, holding on for dear life it seemed. I hadn't realized it, but when we got three pictures in, there was a silent and steady line of tears down my face.

Once we got through the entire volume of pictures, there were a few videos that we had to watch through as well. Penelope excused herself during that portion, not able to sit through what was most likely intense torture. The first video alone made more tears drip down my face, although now I was aware of the salty liquid on my face.

Y/n was tied to a couch, in front of a tv. There was a continuous loop of my lips crashing into Megan's and I could hear Briza speaking into y/n's ear.

_"That bastard has already moved on," Briza's voice played over the speakers, "He's fucking Ma'am right now. He's balls deep in another woman, and it's only been two months."_

I felt my stomach drop. I hoped that y/n didn't believe her, but I knew that Stockholm was a hard thing to break. I paused the video, "That never went past a forced kiss," I told the team with a hitch in my voice, "Megan forced herself onto me, and then I pushed her off me."

"We know Aaron, we know that you didn't want that to happen. We know you're loyal," Dave assured me, but the sick feeling in my stomach didn't break. I clicked the play button again, fearful of what else Briza was going to

_"You're better off forgetting that pathetic thing you call a man. You were nothing more than a hole to fuck to him."_ Briza taunted y/n, tugging on her hair. The next thing that happened, made my chest tightened.

_"I know, Sir. You're right. I belong to you and Ma'am. I'm you're good little girl, right?"_ Y/n's broken and worried voice came from the couch, begging for Briza's approval. _"Yes, baby, you're my good girl. I love you."_

_"I love you too, Owner."_ Y/n's voice was calm and assured and her shoulders dropped with relief. Almost glad, like Briza's 'love' was the most important thing to her. I stopped the video from playing again and sighed.

"That video gives us a lot to work on," Dave spoke first, but Emily took over, "She called Briza 'Sir' and 'Owner'. It was probably instituted by Briza, a play on power and control." Her words shocked me, even though I knew they were true.

"We know that Blake was right with some of the details. Using bondage and other 'sexual' things to inflict torture, but not in a sexual manner," Jj's quiet voice spoke from the couch.

"Briza has probably convinced her that we've either forgotten her or that we don't like her. If we get her back, her recovery isn't going to be easy," Spencer's eyes were flirting down a file as he spoke, not aware of the weight his words carried.

" _When_ we get her back," Dave responded.

We quickly went through the rest of the videos. As we got closer and closer to the last video, I felt my chest get tighter. I wholeheartedly wanted to find y/n, but I was still worried that we would only find an empty apartment. I couldn't let myself hope.

"Okay crime fighters, I have some information. The apartment you're about to go to is in Baltimore, Maryland. The apartment is on the first floor and there's a back exit, so if she's there when you get there, she could get out the back. From current satellite images, there's a van outside of the complex. I've already sent the address to your phones. Go get our girl back." Garcia finished with a nervous smile.

I stood from my spot, "Everyone get vests and anything else you need, we're leaving in ten minutes." The team nodded and I quickly left the room. This was feeling too much like the first two times we got a lead on y/n.

I shook the anxious feeling, zeroing my thoughts onto y/n. If could keep my head, we could have her back. I could have her back.

I strapped on a vest, checked the magazines in both of my guns, and grabbed y/n's old go-bag. I've had it packed with fresh clothes, small bottles of her toiletries, and a few of my shirts. She always liked wearing my shirts.

When I left my office, the rest of the team followed me into the elevator. I drove Emily, Alex, and Dave and Morgan drove Spencer and Jj. The entire drive, Emily and Alex sat thigh to thigh, Emily holding tightly to Alex. I could tell that she was just as anxious as I was.

The hour drive felt like four. Each stop sigh and intersection made my anxiety spike. My thumb constantly brushed over my fingertips in a feeble attempt to calm my nerves.

I parked in front of the apartment building, not able to suppress the terror flooding my chest. I sent Blake and Spencer to the back, prepared to catch Briza out the back door. I counted down and Morgan slammed his foot into the door, kicking the door through the frame.

"Briza Vazquez, you're under arrest!" I yelled as I stormed into the apartment, my eyes falling on Briza and y/n's clumped together form. At my words, Briza jumped off the couch and put y/n behind her, protecting her, "You don't need to do this, she's happy here!" Briza yelled at us. It hurt me to watch y/n's head bob in approval, her hands clutching to Briza. She also looked incredibly scared, but not scared of Briza. Scared of us.

Everyone stepped closer, Spencer and Blake appearing from the hallway behind Briza and y/n. Time seemed to move in slow motion when Briza grabbed a gun from under the coffee table and pressed the barrel against y/n's temple.

"Sir!" Y/n yelped, trying to claw her way out of Briza's grasp. "Move again, and I'll blow her brains out." Briza spat, pressed the gun harder against her temple. Tears started to pour down y/n's face as she pleaded, "Sir, please, I'll be good!" Her hands dropped to her side in attempt to show her submission.

Dave was the next to speak, inching closer to the pair, "Vazquez, drop the gun and we'll tell the D.A. that you cooperated!" I could feel more fear filling my chest. I could watch the love of my life get shot, but I couldn't look away.

Before she could answer or move, I raised the gun in my hand and pulled the trigger. A single bullet hole tearing through Briza's forehead. I watched y/n drop to the floor with her, sobs racking through her body and her hands clutching to Briza's dead body. I rushed forward to pull y/n off her.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed, wiggling out of my firm grasp. I watched as she crawled away from me. Emily's hands pushed me away from her and she carefully approached y/n.

"Hey, hey, y/n. Can you take a deep breath for me? We're going to get Aaron out of here." I watched y/n shutter at my name and Morgan started to pull me out of the apartment. I struggled against his hold, trying to get back to y/n. The last thing I saw as Dave and Morgan dragged me out of the apartment was Emily's gentle hand wiping the tears from y/n's face.

I waited for a while before Emily and Jj were walking y/n out of the apartment. The three women stopped at the door and I watched as Emily explained something to y/n. She cautiously nodded and agreed to step out of the door. I started to walk toward them, but Emily's deadly glare told me to stop. I ducked my head and stopped.

Emily helped y/n into the SUV I drove. I quickly texted Prentiss about y/n's bag in the back of the car and I felt my stomach drop as Jj drove them away. It didn't feel like we had gotten her back. We only got a shell of the wonderful woman that Briza had taken from our grasps.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Third Person POV_ **

When the rest of the team made it to the hospital, Emily and JJ had gotten y/n checked in and into a private room. Aaron should have been better prepared for y/n's state of mind. JJ was standing guard outside the door when he made it to her room.

"Hotch, I can't let you go in there," JJ said sternly, moving to stand fully in front of the door.

He furrowed his brow, "I absolutely _can_ go in there. I have to," Aaron tried to push past JJ, but she stood her ground.

Both Emily and JJ had tried to talk to y/n, but she was still deep in dissociation, mostly from shock and sleep deprivation. "Aaron, every time your name is mentioned, she starts to shake and curl into herself. If you go in there, you'll only push her further into dissociation, which will prolong her healing. _I can't let you go in there_." JJ reiterated.

"JJ, she's my-" before he could finish, JJ cut him off.

"No, Aaron, she's not. She's not the same woman that you knew a year ago. You have to let her be ready to see you, and she's not yet. Just give her some time."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "How is she, physically?"

JJ motioned for him to sit next to her on a bench, which he did, "She's got a lot of superficial wounds, a few badly set breaks, and some deep scars on her back" JJ paused to let his mind catch up, "She'll need at least one surgery to fix the breaks, but otherwise she's fine medically."

Aaron turned to look at JJ, "And psychologically?"

"There's a psychologist coming to see her, once she resurfaces from the dissociation. They suspect that she's stuck in Stockholm Syndrom and that the shock of losing her captor was too much. There's a possibility that she could go non-verbal or that she'll try to withdraw, but they urged us to use a firm hand with her.

"Most importantly, so far she doesn't take well to men. Two male doctors walked in, and she immediately started to curl away from them and tried to crawl into Emily's lap. We can try Morgan, Dave, or Spencer, but you can't go in there. Not till she's conscious again and consents to you being in there." JJ finished, her words quiet and her eyes searching Aaron's face.

He only nodded, running his fingers through his hair. He had no idea how to process what to do. He was so focused on getting y/n back, that he didn't think to prepare himself for the recovery process. Aaron knew that y/n would have some issues to deal with, but he didn't think that Briza and Megan could convince her that he didn't love her.

"Who else is here?" JJ's question pulled him out of his thoughts. "Blake and I came, the rest are processing the scene," I told her before tacking on, "Blake is parking the car, then she should be up." He stood to leave, but he didn't have a destination in mind. It felt suffocating to be just on the other side of the wall, only a few feet separating him from the woman he loved. In the end, he sat back down, not being about to leave the room.

Once Blake made it up to the room, JJ and Aaron greeted her and let her know that Emily was in the room. Without hesitation, Blake walked directly into the room.

"-nd we've been living together for the past couple of months. I just love her so much, y/n. I can't wait for you to meet her," Alex caught the last few words that Emily was saying to a blank y/n on the bed. The doctors had told her that any talking and light touches could help her come back to them.

Alex chuckled under her breath, alerting Emily to her presence. Emily jumped slightly but didn't say anything to Alex.

"And this is who I was telling you about," Emily said with a smile, waving a cautious Alex over to the bed, "I don't know if you can hear me or see me, y/n, but I've missed you since the day you left." Emily slowly reached to move the hair out of y/n's face, grateful when the woman didn't flinch.

Emily sighed after a few moments passed and the statue on the bed didn't respond, she stood from her place at the bed to look at Alex, "She hasn't said anything since we left the house. The doctors took blood and did a little bit of a physical exam, but she got so overwhelmed that they had to stop. Just from the looks of it, she's severely dehydrated and malnourished. Not to mention traumatized." Emily felt defeated with her words, looking to Alex for guidance.

"I think we should let Hotch in here," Alex told her, but Emily immediately retaliated. She heard a slight whimper from the form on the bed, y/n's reaction to Hotch's name, "Al, we can't. You saw the way she reacted to him at that house, it'd be worse now. She feels trapped in her head and if he comes in here, she's freak out more." Emily explained softly, looking over her shoulder to look at the glassy-eyed woman on the bed.

"I know, but you and he are the most familiar to her. At the very least, it could help her resurface. We know how she reacted to him when she was under duress, but it could be different now that she's calm," Alex continued to urge.

"I don't know, Al. I'm just so worried about her and I don't want her to push herself further away from us," Emily sighed, walking to bury herself into Alex's arms.

"I don't want him in here," a scratchy voice from the bed spoke.

Emily whipped her head around to look at the origin of the words, "Y/n?"

"I don't want that horrible, cheating, lying man in here," her words caught in her throat, and anger set on her face, "He forgot about me." her voice was quiet and sad, her eyes starting to droop with sadness.

"I don't want him in here. Please don't let him in here. I don't want to see him." Her words started to get frantic and she started to panic. The beeping of the heart monitor started to pick up and her head whipped to look at the source of the noise, her eyes wide. "He didn't want me, so I don't want him. Sir and Ma'am were very clear that I'm not allowed to see him. I'm not allowed to talk about him or think about him." Her words were clear and definite.

Suddenly her bottom lip started to tremble, "Sir... my sir..." she trailed as tears started to fall down her face, "He killed my sir," her words were sad and muffled by her tears, "He killed my Sir!" y/n yelled, her shoulders hunching in effort as she screamed.

Her words could be heard in the hallway by Aaron and JJ. His hands clenched into fists as he fought the urge to storm into the room.

Emily moved to sit next to the bed again, letting Alex stand behind her. Alex set her hand on Emily's shoulder as Emily spoke, "Y/n, I know you're confused and the abrupt change is hard, but we have your best interest in mind. He's not going to come in here."

Y/n's eyes widened, "He's out there?" she pointed a shaky finger toward the door. Emily cautiously nodded, glancing toward the door, "Yes, he wanted to see you, but we told him that he had to wait," she gently grabbed y/n's hand, "Do you think you could tell us about Briza?"

"Her name is Sir," Y/n said shortly, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Right, could you tell us about what Sir did with you?" Emily asked gently, giving y/n room to choose what she was comfortable to talk about at the time.

"Us?" Emily had forgotten that she told a dissociated version of y/n about Alex and that she didn't know who Alex was.

Emily waved Alex closer, "This is Alex, she's kind of new to the team. We've been together for about seven months now. I was talking about her earlier if you remember anything about someone named Alex Blake."

Y/n nodded and looked up to the older agent, finally looking at the third person in the room, "It's nice to meet you, I can tell that Emily loves you a lot, just from that introduction." Emily blushed, and for that short moment, it felt like she had y/n back. It felt like no time had passed and that Emily was simply introducing her girlfriend to her best friend. But the moment quickly passed.

"Y/n, do you think you can tell us about Sir?" Emily asked again, watching Alex sit on the other side of the bed, a few feet away from y/n. She was trying not to crowd the frail woman on the bed.

**_Your POV_ **

A dazed smile spread across your face, "Sir is very loving and kind. She lets me sit with her and she strokes my hair. She tells me how good I am and how much she loves me. If I'm bad, I have to call her Owner, but I don't mind doing that. Sir sometimes has to punish me for being bad, but I know that she does it because I deserve it.

"Sir is a lot rougher than Ma'am, but I know that it's just because she loves me so much that she wants me to stay in line," you glanced at Emily, seeing her eyes brimming with tears, "What's wrong?"

Emily sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes, "Nothing, I just don't like to think about you being hurt by her," Emily said with a watery smile, gently squeezing your hand.

"But, she didn't hurt me. Sure, she had to keep me in line, but she didn't hurt me. She would never hurt me, she loves me." You explained, but your face fell after your last word, "loved me..." it was your turn to let tears fill your eyes.

Her bottom lip wobbled, "Em, I miss her."

Emily moved to pull you into her arms, letting your tears stain her shoulder, "I know you do, y/n, but I think that you'll be happier back with us," Emily paused to squeeze your slender shoulders, "I'm happier that you're back, are you happy?"

Your head lifted to look at Emily, "You're happy to have me back?" Your voice wavered. Emily wiped the tears from her face and nodded with her words, "Yes, y/n, I'm _very_ happy to have you back. I've missed you so much this past year, and I'm so incredibly happy that you're back with us."

"B-but Ma'am told me that you didn't like me. That you had suggested to stop working the case and that _he_ agreed," you still couldn't say his name, "I don't understand, why would you lie to me about being happy? Why are you lying to me?" you started to cry but made no attempt to get further away from Emily.

Emily shushed you, just enough to get your hysterical cries to subside, "Y/n, I promise with everything in me that I'm not lying. Ma'am," Emily tried to mask her disgust for the word, "told you that, but I never said it."

"But Ma'am and Sir would never lie to me. They would never hurt me, and lying hurts," You had a certain childish air to your voice, you sounded hurt and sad. Emily looked to Alex for guidance, but Alex didn't know what to do either, "I know it's hard to think about, but they weren't telling you the truth one hundred percent of the time. I don't want to upset you, but I don't want you to keep believing the hurtful things that they told you. We, the team and I, love you very much. You're safe with us and we would never lie to you."

You sniffled, looking from Emily to Alex, "I just want to be back with my Masters," your voice shook with sadness.

Emily hugged you tighter, "What can we do to help you. We can't let you be back with your _Masters_ , but we can do something to make you more comfortable."

You seriously considered your options, you could ask them to go away and be alone. You could ask Emily to hold you, but you didn't know if that would be crossing a line. You longed to be held by someone familiar, but mainly Ma'am or Sir. She said that you weren't allowed to see Ma'am, but you thought that she might let you see her in the future.

"I just- I just want my masters!" You cried, looking at both Emily and Alex. You felt tears stinging your eyes and your shoulders hunched over in pain. You didn't want Emily or Alex, you wanted the people who really loved you.

_I don't understand. Emily said she wasn't lying, Ma'am and Sir were lying. But Ma'am and Sir would never lie._

_The most plausible answer was that Emily was trying to tear you away from your Masters and that she didn't want you to be happy._

_You just had to wait till you were out of the hospital to be back with Ma'am and she could help you grieve Sir's death._

"I know you do, y/n. But we can't let them see you, we want to keep you safe," Emily said softly, rubbing her hand up and down your arm. "B-but I am safe with them!"

"You don't know me at all! You don't know them! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" you shouted at her, more tears dripping down your face and your abdomen clenching with effort, "YOU T-TOOK ME AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE WHO L-LOVE ME! STOP LYING TO M-ME!"

You finally managed to Emily off the bed, her body dropping harshly onto the chair with a thud. Alex quickly ran to her side and helped her up and then tried to calm you down.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE D-DOING THIS, BUT I-I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T K-KNOW EITHER OF YOU! GET ME MY MASTERS OR L-LEAVE!" Your shouting could be heard in the hallway by Hotch and JJ. Your increased heart rate alerted the nurses.

As your yelling increased, hospital staff flooded the room, also trying to calm you down. They were very unsuccessful, and there was only one option to get you to calm down.

During your yelling, you hadn't noticed a doctor approaching you with a needle. You felt a pinch in your arm and you immediately started to feel drowsy. You felt a flash of panic as the world started to fade around you, again. You were scared and confused, trying to figure out which reality was the truth.

Why was your mind playing tricks on you?


End file.
